Kimberly Schildbach Therapy
Online Couples Therapy and Discernment Counseling in Washington, Massachusetts, Connecticut, & Florida.
Discernment Counseling: in Andover, Massachusetts
A thoughtful, structured process designed to help couples who are unsure about divorce or separating gain clarity about the future of their relationship.
When You're Unsure-and Each of you Wants Something Different
Right now, you’re caught in a painful in-between.
One of you is ready to dive in and fix the marriage. You just need a way forward.
One of you is leaning out, unsure if the relationship can be saved. Maybe you’ve already filed for divorce, or separation feels like the only option.
Neither of you wants to spend months in therapy if it’s not going to lead to real change. You both need clarity about whether this relationship can be saved.
You need a trained professional to help you sort it all out. Traditional couples therapy isn’t designed for this kind of uncertainty - but Discernment Counseling is.
When You’re Standing at the Edge of Divorce -Don’t Rush the Biggest Decision of Your Life
Online Discernment Counseling in Andover, Massachusetts
A Different Kind of Couples Work
Discernment Counseling is not traditional couples therapy.
We’re not jumping straight into fixing the relationship. We’re stepping back and looking carefully at what brought your relationship here and how you've each contributed. This is a clear, structured process designed for couples where the future of the relationship feels uncertain. Sometimes one partner is leaning toward leaving while the other still hopes things can change. Sometimes both of you feel exhausted and unsure what to do next. You deserve a thoughtful way to sort through this decision.
Time-Limited and Focused
Discernment Counseling is brief and intentional. Most couples meet between one and five sessions so there is a balance between urgency and thoughtfulness. The goal isn’t to solve anything. The goal is clarity in a decision for the future.
What We Actually Do in These Sessions
In our time together, we look carefully at:
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What led up to the rupture in the relationship
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How each of you experienced the breakdown
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The ways each of you contributed to where things are now
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What separation or divorce would realistically mean for your lives
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What a robust course of couples therapy for repair would look like
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How well each of you understands your partner’s experience
This is not about blaming each other (since relationships are built on interactions and interactions are about two people - you both have contributed). It’s about understanding the story of your relationship so you can make a thoughtful decision about what comes next.
The Three Possible Paths
Discernment Counseling leads to one of three clear directions.
1. Continue the relationship as it is
You may decide that for now you are not ready to make any major changes and will continue forward as you have been.
2. Move toward separation or divorce
If the relationship truly feels complete, this process can help you arrive at that decision with more clarity.
3. Take divorce off the table and commit to repair
Some couples decide they want to give the relationship a chance. In that case, you agree to six months of focused couples therapy, with each partner bringing a clear personal agenda for change.
A Process for One of Life’s Biggest Decisions
Deciding whether to stay in a marriage or end it is one of the most important choices people make. Yet most couples try to figure it out while they’re still caught in conflict, hurt, and confusion. Discernment Counseling offers something different. A structured, proven process that helps you step out of the chaos long enough to understand how you truly feel and what you genuinely want. Every couple deserves that kind of clarity.
If you’re standing at this crossroads, I can guide you through the process so you can move forward with confidence about the decision you make.
Listen as Dr. Bill Doherty, founder of Discernment Counseling, explains the process and how it helps couples on the brink gain clarity and direction.
Frequently Asked Questions about Discernment Counseling in Andover, Massachusetts
How is Discernment Counseling different from couples therapy?
Discernment counseling is for couples who are not sure whether they want to stay married or separate. Traditional couples therapy assumes both partners are willing to work on repairing the relationship. In Discernment Counseling, it's okay for one or both of you to show up not sure of what you want. We’re not trying to fix the marriage in these sessions. We’re trying to understand it well enough for you to make a thoughtful decision about its future.
Discernment counseling creates space for both of you to speak honestly about where you are without pressure to decide immediately. My job is to help each of you understand your partner’s experience more clearly and decide whether there is enough willingness to try repairing the relationship.
How long does the process usually take?
Discernment Counseling is designed to be short and focused.
Most couples meet between one and five sessions, with three sessions being typical. We are not beginning long-term therapy here. The purpose is to help you gain clarity about the direction you want to take.
For couples who want an accelerated format I offer Discernment Counseling Intensives. Please see my Investment page for details.
Can Discernment Counseling help if there has been infidelity or sexual secrecy?
Yes. Many couples come to discernment counseling after a discovery that has shaken the foundation of the relationship. Infidelity or sexual secrecy can create intense pain, anger, and confusion for both partners. One partner may feel devastated and unsure if trust could ever be rebuilt. The other may feel deep shame or fear that the damage is too great to repair.
We also look honestly at whether the conditions needed for rebuilding trust are something both partners are willing to engage in. For some couples that leads to a serious attempt at repair. For others it clarifies that separation may be the healthier path.
What if we decide to try repairing the relationship?
If both of you decide you want to give the relationship a real chance, the next step is committing to six months of skilled couples therapy (with me or someone else.) This is not a vague promise to “try harder.” Each partner comes into that process with a clear personal agenda for change and a willingness to look at how they have contributed to the breakdown in the relationship.
What if we decide to separate?
Discernment counseling can help couples reach that decision with much more clarity and less chaos than trying to figure it out alone. Even when the relationship is ending, many couples feel relief when they understand the story of what happened between them and can move forward with greater honesty and respect. It helps couples have a more collaborative divorce and continue to co-parent with respect for each other.
How do we know if discernment counseling is right for us?
Discernment counseling is a good fit if the future of the relationship feels uncertain and you want help thinking through that decision carefully with a skilled clinician. I think every couple deserves a process with this most important decision. Reach out and we'll get you out of limbo into clarity.
Fun Activities for Couples in Andover, MA: Explore, Relax, and Connect
Looking for things to do in Andover, MA with your partner? From scenic outdoor adventures at Harold Parker State Forest to romantic dining at local restaurants like The Andover Inn, Andover offers plenty of activities to bond and unwind. Enjoy a peaceful day at the Andover Historical Society, or explore the town’s charming boutiques for unique finds. Whether you're seeking relaxation or adventure, Andover has something perfect for every couple.
