When you're unsure—and each of you wants something different.
Right now, you’re caught in a painful in-between.
One of you is ready to dive in and fix the marriage. You just need a way forward.
One of you is leaning out, unsure if the relationship can be saved. Maybe you’ve already filed for divorce, or separation feels like the only option.
Neither of you wants to spend months in therapy if it’s not going to lead to real change. You both need clarity about whether this relationship can be saved.
You need a trained professional to help you sort it all out. Traditional couples therapy isn’t designed for this kind of uncertainty—but Discernment Counseling is.
Considering divorce or breaking-up, but unsure if it's the right move? Let’s navigate the uncertainty together and find the clarity you need for one of the biggest decisions of your life.
Discernment Counseling is a limited, up-to-five-session process (ending when you've both come to a decision) that meets you where you're at and helps you move forward. You don’t want to muddle through months of couples therapy when one or both of you aren’t sure, but you also don’t want to break up and have regrets. It’s about finding the path that’s right for both of you, knowing you’ve put in the work so your decision is clear.​
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Discernment Counseling helps you find a greater understanding of what is happening and has happened in your relationship, your contributions to the patterns that have been unsatisfying, and a clear direction you would like your relationship to take.
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Discernment Counseling is not Couples Therapy—it is a structured process to help you decide.
The goal is not to fix your marital issues but to determine if they can be resolved—no blame, no judgment, just clarity on what you decide.
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In Discernment Counseling, the three possibilities that you might choose are:
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Do nothing/continue as you've been - you both decide to neither divorce or separate nor work on your partnership through couples therapy.
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Divorce or break up - You agree as a couple that divorce or breaking up is the most appropriate option and begin to move forward with clarity and confidence.
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Commitment to healing the relationship for the next six months—both partners agree to take divorce or breakup off the table and fully dedicate themselves to six months of couples therapy (with me or another therapist). This means 100% total, unwavering commitment to your relationship and the work of repairing it. Therapy will follow a clear agenda, with specific goals for each partner’s personal growth.
Each partner commits to one session at a time. After each session, you both decide where you stand and whether you’d like to continue.
Listen as Dr. Bill Doherty, founder of Discernment Counseling, explains the process and how it helps couples on the brink gain clarity and direction.
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is a Good Fit If…
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Either partner is unsure – When one partner is leaning out of the relationship while the other wants to stay, discernment counseling provides a structured space to explore options.
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Clarity before commitment – Instead of rushing into therapy or divorce, couples gain a deeper understanding of their issues and whether they can be resolved.
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No pressure to fix or end – The goal isn’t to solve marital problems but to determine if they can be solved.
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Guided by an expert – A trained discernment counselor helps you navigate the process with structure, not judgment.
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Time-limited approach – With a maximum of five sessions, it’s a focused way to make a thoughtful, informed decision.
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Personal and relational insight – Even if the couple ultimately separates, both partners gain a clearer understanding of their relationship patterns and how they arrived at this point.
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is Not a Good Fit If…
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One partner has already made a final decision to divorce – If a spouse is fully committed to leaving, discernment counseling isn’t necessary. Individual therapy for each partner is more appropriate.
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Coercion is involved – If one partner is pressuring the other to participate, the process won’t be effective.
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There is danger of domestic violence – Safety must come first, and discernment therapy is not appropriate in abusive relationships.
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Both partners are fully committed to working on the marriage – If both want to repair the relationship, traditional couples therapy is the better choice.
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One partner is unwilling to engage – If a spouse refuses to reflect or participate meaningfully, the process won’t be productive.
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The primary goal is to ‘fix’ the other person – Discernment therapy is about understanding the relationship, not placing blame or forcing change.
How does Discernment Counseling work?
Discernment Counseling only requires both of you to commit to the first 2-hour session to explore your options.
Discernment Counseling is a structured, step-by-step process where you commit to one session at a time. This allows you to carefully explore your feelings and options without long-term pressure, making informed decisions as you go.
The first session is 2 hours long, providing us with ample time to fully explore your relationship, understand each partner's perspective, and begin clarifying your next steps.
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Couples time (35 minutes): During our initial session, we’ll create a safe space for both partners to share their thoughts and feelings openly. We’ll explore key aspects such as the best moments in your relationship, each partner’s concerns about separation, and how this might affect children or your broader lives. We’ll also discuss what it might look like to either separate or work on rebuilding trust. This meeting isn’t about solving problems, but about gaining clarity on what each potential path—working on the relationship, separating, or maintaining the status quo—might entail.​
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Individual time (35 minutes each): In the second part of our initial meeting, I’ll meet with each partner individually for 35 minutes. This time is invaluable, allowing each person to speak openly about their feelings, concerns, and desires without the influence of the other partner’s perspective. It provides an opportunity to gain clarity on what you truly want—whether that’s working to repair the relationship or considering separation. We’ll focus on understanding the pain you're experiencing while fostering an honest conversation about how both of you may have contributed to the current challenges. This process is essential, whether you decide to stay together or separate, as it helps uncover the deeper dynamics at play. If separation is the outcome, understanding your part in the relationship’s struggles will provide valuable insight for possible future relationships.
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Reflection (5-10 minutes): At the end of each individual session, both partners will come back together briefly to share what they’ve learned from their conversations with me. During this time, the other partner listens without responding, allowing the speaker to share their insights without interruption.
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Ending (5-10 minutes): In the final 10 minutes or so, I’ll provide feedback and share my observations, followed by a discussion of the next steps. We’ll reflect on what you’ve learned and decide together whether to end the process or schedule another session (up to 5). Ultimately, the decision is yours, based on what feels right for both of you moving forward.​​
You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck in the In-Between
Not knowing is its own kind of pain. You’re not ready to leave, but you’re not sure how to stay—and that limbo wears on your peace, your sleep, and your ability to show up in the rest of your life.
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You’re here because something doesn’t feel finished. You want clarity, honesty, and a structured way to face this crossroads with courage.
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Discernment Counseling is different. It doesn’t push you to stay or go. It slows things down, asks the right questions, and creates space for both of you to understand what’s next—with respect, integrity, and no pressure.
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Even if the outcome is hard, you’ll walk away knowing you faced your relationship with open eyes. No more second-guessing. No more sinking in emotional quicksand.
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If you need closure—or the first real sign of hope—Discernment Counseling can help.
Frequently Asked Questions about Discernment Counseling
What is your fee for Discernment Counseling?
The initial session is a 2-hour deep dive and is $800. Follow-up sessions are 80 minutes and $600 each.
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Do you offer individual therapy for divorce?
Please contact me through my individual therapy practice, Brave Season Therapy. I work with people navigating divorce, attachment trauma, and midlife transitions. My approach -- rooted in Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) -- helps clients explore their new (or emerging) identity, build self-compassion, and rediscover a sense of direction with their new life.
What if one of us has already decided to leave?
If one partner has fully made up their mind to leave, Discernment Counseling may not be helpful. Instead, mediation or a therapist specializing in separation might be a better fit. If you’ve made the decision to divorce and need individual support as you move through this transition, please visit my separate practice — Brave Season Therapy.
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Should you do couples counseling if you're thinking of divorce?
If you're unsure about staying in your relationship, Discernment Counseling is a better option than traditional couples therapy. Unlike standard couples counseling, which focuses on improving the relationship, Discernment Counseling helps you decide whether to work on the relationship or move toward divorce. If one of you is leaning out, couples therapy won’t be effective. Discernment Counseling provides a structured space to make a clear decision—either committing fully to couples therapy or choosing to separate.
Can Discernment Counseling help us stay together?
It’s not designed to fix relationship problems but rather to help couples determine if they are willing to work on the relationship. If both partners choose to commit to rebuilding, they can transition into couples therapy.
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Is it Discernment Counseling judgmental?
No, Discernment Counseling is a non-judgmental process. The goal is to understand each person’s perspective and offer clarity, not push a specific outcome.
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What if we decide to separate?
If separation is the decision, Discernment Counseling can help partners navigate the process with greater understanding and respect, reducing unnecessary conflict.
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What if we still feel unsure after five sessions of Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling is designed to be a short-term process, with a five-session limit to create a balance between urgency and thoughtful reflection. About 12% of couples choose to maintain the status quo afterward, which is completely valid. If you're still uncertain, there’s no need to rush—taking more time to process is always an option.​​​
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Feeling Stuck in Uncertainty? You're Not Alone.
Discernment Counseling offers you a focused, time-limited process when you’re unsure about the future of your relationship. Instead of traditional couples therapy—which isn’t designed for this kind of mixed-agenda place—it meets you exactly where you are, whether you’re leaning out or hoping to stay, and creates room for honest exploration without pressure.
With up to five sessions, it helps you understand how the relationship reached this point and decide whether to move toward repair or toward separation—with clarity rather than confusion.
You won’t be asked to commit to fixing the relationship. You’ll be invited to understand it more deeply, so you can move forward with greater confidence and integrity, whatever you choose.
What the Research Shows
Research by Dr. William J. Doherty and his team offers real insight into what’s possible:
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47% of couples who completed Discernment Counseling chose to pursue therapy aimed at reconciliation.
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40% were still married two years later.
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And for those who decided to divorce, the process was often calmer and more respectful. Divorce attorneys consistently report that couples who’ve gone through Discernment Counseling tend to approach separation with greater mutual understanding and less hostility.