When the Same Fights Keeps Taking Over and You Want Them To Stop
Does this sound like you?
Your arguments escalate before you even realize what’s happening. Later you replay the moment in your head and think, That’s not how I want to be with the person I love.
You're wondering if something about the relationship itself is broken because the two of you seem to wind each other up more than you comfort each other.
You long for closeness while you also brace for impact. One of you reaches harder, the other backs away, and suddenly you’re right back in the kind of blow-up you both swore wouldn’t happen again.
And what worries you most is the feeling that the gap between you keeps growing. What you want most is a real way to stop the spiral before it takes over again.
If this is your story, you’re in the right place. I can help you face what’s been pulling you apart so you can build something stronger together.
I know your whole body is searching for a way back to the parts of your relationship you miss most.
The feeling that your partner loved every single piece of you. The feeling of knowing that no matter what, you would weather any storm together. The freedom to say what's on your mind and trust that your partner would care and talk about it with you.
I know you want that, and I want that for you, too.
I want you to feel successful in your relationship so you can feel successful everywhere. (It's funny how it happens that way.)
Through our work, you'll recover a side of your partner you haven't seen in a long time. You'll be able to talk about the things that in the past you didn't know if you could say. You'll begin to feel that lovely pull toward each other again - that feeling that you can't wait to tell your partner about something or get your hands on them after a long day away.
There is something precious here, beneath the conflict and the fights. I will help you find your way back to it - and to each other.
This Isn’t the End. It’s the Beginning of Doing Love Differently
Couples Therapy for High-Conflict Couples in Boston, Massachusetts
Is it high-conflict or is it abuse?
Online Couples Therapy for High-Conflict in Boston and all across Massachusetts, Connecticut, Washington, and Florida.
High-conflict couples have frequent, intense disagreements - but both partners still have a voice, even when communication has gotten painfully hard. These relationships are often caught in cycles of arguing, defensiveness, reactivity, and sometimes behaviors that feel out of control. Yet underneath all of that, there is still a mutual desire to repair.
When I sit with a couple like this, I can feel the warmth between them - the longing to reach each other again. That felt sense of care is how I know I’m working with high-conflict, not abuse.
Abuse is different. Abuse is ice-cold. It involves a clear power imbalance in which one partner uses fear, intimidation, or harm to control the other - emotionally, physically, financially, or psychologically. In those relationships, traditional couples therapy is not appropriate. Conflict, even when loud and messy, can be worked through. Abuse requires a different path.
If you think what you’re experiencing may be abuse, you don’t have to figure that out alone. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org for confidential support.
Frequently Asked Questions about High Conflict Couples Counseling in Boston and all of Massachusetts, Connecticut, Washington, and Florida
Do you work with couples who’ve experienced yelling, aggression, or even physical conflict?
Yes. I specialize in working with couples who feel overwhelmed by emotion and caught in destructive cycles - but still want to hold on to each other. Many of my clients are dealing with what’s called situational couple violence - where things have escalated during intense moments of disconnection, but there’s no ongoing pattern of control or fear. If you're both committed to safety we can work together.
Is this abuse? Or just conflict gone too far?
Abuse is when one person holds the power - when one partner lives in fear, silences themselves, or walks on eggshells to avoid punishment. High conflict is different. You’re both in pain. You both act out. You’re trying to stay connected, but the way you’re doing it is hurting you both.
What if I’m ashamed of how I’ve acted?
That means you're a good human who knows they've done something out of their value system. I work with people who have said or done things they never thought they would. Together, we’ll understand what drove those moments.
What makes your approach different for high-conflict couples?
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based approach grounded in attachment theory. We don’t just talk about what happened - we get underneath the conflict. I help you both understand the raw spots, the panic, the triggers, and the desperate strategies that get you stuck. Instead of fighting against each other, we start fighting for the connection you're both trying to protect.
Will you judge us for what’s happened?
No. What I see - over and over - is that aggression often comes from a place of heartbreak and fear. That doesn’t make it acceptable. But it does mean there’s room for compassion, accountability, and healing. You’re not broken. You’re likely trying to protect the most important relationship in your life with the only tools you’ve had. I understand that not everyone gets loving templates from their family of origin to rely on in their adult relationships.
Can couples therapy help after domestic violence or abuse?
Sometimes, yes - but not always. I don’t offer couples therapy when there’s ongoing coercion, stalking, or fear for safety. But many couples come to me after mutual escalation, where there’s been shouting, slamming doors, threats, or even physical aggression - and both partners are motivated to repair and grow. If you're both open to accountability and change, I offer a clear and structured path forward.
I hit my partner once. Does that mean I’m abusive?
Not necessarily. Many people feel shocked and ashamed after a moment of violence, especially if it comes on quick and they don't know what was happening on the inside when they lashed out. Our work will help you put words to what happens inside so you can start to understand yourself and your reactions before they get out of control.
Move from Conflict to Connection
Therapy for High-Conflict Relationships & Marriages in MA, CT, WA, & FL
I provide online couples therapy for high-conflict issues for residents throughout:
Massachusetts – Boston – Cambridge – Worcester – Springfield – Lowell – Newton – Somerville -- Salem – Brookline – Quincy – Framingham – Waltham – Lexington – Needham – Andover – throughout Massachusetts
Connecticut – Hartford – New Haven – Stamford – Norwalk – Greenwich – Westport – Fairfield – Glastonbury – Simsbury – throughout Connecticut
Washington – Seattle – Bellevue – Redmond – Kirkland – Tacoma – Spokane – Olympia – Bellingham – Vancouver – throughout Washington
Florida – Miami – Tampa – Orlando – Jacksonville – St. Petersburg – Naples – Sarasota – Boca Raton – Fort Lauderdale – throughout Florida
Also providing online couples therapy for high-conflict issues throughout Massachusetts, Connecticut, Washington, and Florida.