Kimberly Schildbach Therapy
Online Couples Therapy and Discernment Counseling in Washington, Massachusetts, Connecticut, & Florida.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) in Quincy, Massachusetts
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT): Specialized couples therapy designed to repair emotional bonds and transform conflict into connection.
You Crave Closeness… But End Up Fighting Instead
Does this sound like you?
You want to feel understood and cared for, but every conversation feels like walking through a minefield.
You want to stop the arguments before they spiral, but somehow the same fights keep repeating over and over.
You want to reconnect physically and emotionally, but the distance between you keeps growing.
You want to trust and rely on each other again, but the past hurts keep creeping into every interaction.
If this resonates, you’re in the right place. Couples therapy helps you actually feel each other again - safe, seen, and wanting each other like you did at the start.
You Want to Feel ‘Us’ Again… But the Distance Feels Too Real
Online Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) in Quincy, Massachusetts
How Things Escalate So Fast
Most couples don’t start a conversation planning to fight. But something small happens. A comment lands wrong. Someone’s tone changes. A memory from a past hurt suddenly shows up in the room.
And before you know it, your mind fills in the meaning. They don’t care about me. I’m on my own again. This relationship is never going to work. Those meanings happen quickly - long before either of you has time to pause. Once that alarm goes off, couples tend to fall into familiar roles. One partner moves toward the conflict - pushing for answers, explanations, resolution. The other steps away - quiet, distant, sometimes shutting down completely. That pursue-and-retreat dynamic tells us a lot about the relationship. But it doesn’t tell us everything.
Because underneath those reactions is usually something much more tender: hurt, fear, the loneliness of feeling unseen by the person who matters most. When those feelings stay hidden, the argument grows louder. Eventually the original issue disappears and the two of you are fighting about the fight itself. That’s where Emotionally Focused Therapy becomes incredibly powerful.
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Slowing Down the Trigger
In EFT, we take those explosive moments and slow them down. We look at what happens inside each of you when the trigger hits. What meaning did you make? What fear showed up? What did your nervous system do next to protect you? My role is to help each partner become more aware of their inner world - and then learn how to share it safely. Not in a way that escalates things further. But in a way that allows your partner to actually take it in. Because when someone hears the vulnerability underneath the anger or withdrawal, something shifts. Defenses lower. Connection becomes possible again. Finding the Tenderness Again When couples begin to see the softer feelings underneath the conflict, something important returns to the relationship.
Curiosity. Instead of assuming the worst about your partner, you begin wondering what’s happening for them. You start recognizing the person you once felt close to. And when that tenderness becomes visible again, partners often become more flexible in how they respond. Not because they have to.
But because they want to protect the bond between them.
That’s the power of couples therapy
Your First Session: Mapping the Patterns
We start together as a couple. I explain how the sessions will work and then guide you in identifying the recurring patterns that keep you stuck - like withdrawal, escalation, or emotional shutdown. Together, we pinpoint the cycles that fuel hurt and frustration, so you can see how your interactions maintain the conflict and where change is possible.
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Individual Sessions: Your Story, Your Perspective
In the next sessions, I meet with each of you individually. This is your time to share your experiences, reflect on your role in the relationship, and explore what you need from your partner and from the process. We'll explore the templates from your family of origin and see how these template impact your current relationship.
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Targeting Moments of Disconnection
I help you slow down and focus on the moments when connection breaks - during arguments, when emotions spike, or when one of you feels unseen or hurt. We uncover the underlying feelings that drive your responses, giving you tools to express them safely so your partner can truly hear and respond. This is how we get to the root of your struggles.
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Repairing Trust After Betrayal
If betrayal has occurred, including infidelity, I guide conversations so the injured partner can express their pain fully, while the other partner learns to take emotional responsibility and show genuine understanding. This creates space for processing grief, rebuilding trust, and beginning to reconnect in a meaningful way.
What to Expect in EFT Sessions
Online Couples Therapy in Quincy, Massachusetts
Discernment Counseling: When You're Not Sure You Want to Stay - But You're Not Sure You Want to Leave
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) in Quincy, Massachusetts
Not every couple is ready to dive straight into full couples therapy. Many find themselves in a difficult, in-between space - unsure if staying together is possible or even the right choice. Discernment Counseling is designed specifically for this moment.
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This is a focused, time-limited process, usually between one and five sessions, that helps couples step out of chaos and uncertainty and into clarity. There’s no pressure to repair the relationship or make an immediate decision. Instead, we slow things down to explore how you got here, identify recurring patterns, and examine the personal and relational changes that would be needed for the relationship to move forward in a healthier way.
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Discernment Counseling isn’t about convincing anyone to stay or leave. It’s about helping you make a grounded, informed choice. If you’re torn between holding on and letting go, this process provides a structured, compassionate path to clarity - so your next steps, whatever they are, feel intentional and supported.
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You can read more about how the process works on my Discernment Counseling page.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy in Quincy, Massachusetts
We keep having the same fights - can therapy actually help us break the cycle?
Yes. Most arguments aren’t about the surface issues - they’re about unmet emotional needs and old patterns. I guide you to see the cycles that trap you, uncover the feelings beneath the conflict, and teach you how to respond in ways your partner can actually hear. This is about changing how you connect when you're in pain, not just what you argue about.
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My partner and I barely talk anymore - can therapy bring us back together?
Absolutely. Emotional disconnection is usually a protective response, not a permanent sentence. We shut down our hearts when safety feels uncertain. If one of you is truly leaning out, Discernment Counseling may be a better first step to gain clarity before committing to full couples therapy.
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One of us had an affair - can couples therapy really help us recover from that?
Again, absolutely. It may be hard to believe now, but your relationship can grow stronger through the repair that comes from healing. In EFT, we use a structured framework called the Attachment Injury Repair Model (AIRM). This process allows the hurt partner to fully express their pain while guiding the other partner to take real responsibility. When each partner feels truly seen and heard, trust and connection can begin to rebuild - and the relationship can emerge stronger than it was before. This approach addresses the root of the issues, not just the surface symptoms. While the partner who stepped out is fully responsible for the injury, the underlying dynamics in the relationship also need attention for lasting repair.
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Do I have to share everything in therapy?
In reality, yes. Secrets tend to come out, and when they do, the damage is often far greater than if they had been disclosed earlier. A supported, intentional disclosure - shared with honesty and accountability rather than defensiveness - can significantly reduce harm and create a stronger foundation for healing.
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How long will it take before we feel any difference?
Because we’re clearing the pain in the space between you, it may feel worse before it feels better. Over time, you’ll notice new ways of interacting begin to take root, and small changes start to build on each other. Think of it like going to the gym - progress is gradual at first, but once it starts, the benefits accumulate quickly. The key is showing up consistently, summoning the courage to be vulnerable, and leaning in emotionally, even when it feels uncomfortable.
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Can therapy help with sex and intimacy issues?
Yes - but we start with connection first. Sexual desire, pleasure, and closeness are wired through emotional safety, attachment, and trust - not just physical attraction. I help you uncover blocks, talk openly about mismatched desire, performance pressures, and unspoken needs, and rebuild attunement so your connection isn’t just safe - it’s electric.
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What makes Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) different from other approaches?
EFT isn’t just about better communication or solving problems - it’s about emotional connection. It helps you uncover the feelings driving arguments, withdrawal, or distance and guides you to respond in ways that build safety, trust, and closeness. That’s why it’s widely regarded as the gold standard in couples therapy.​
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Is it worth trying therapy if we’ve been stuck for years?
Yes. It’s never “too late” to improve your relationship. Even couples with long-standing conflict or past betrayals can learn to reconnect and create healthier patterns. Therapy provides tools and support to break cycles that may feel impossible to change on your own. DIYing it rarely helps for long and can make negative patterns become more entrenched.​
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Can therapy help after infidelity or broken trust?
Absolutely. Healing after betrayal is about facing the hurt head-on - letting your partner’s pain in, putting defensiveness aside, and showing them you truly feel it. The injuring partner gets space to speak honestly and responsibly about what happened and how it came to be. This is where real repair begins - when both partners feel seen, heard, and understood. We even have a model within the larger model of EFT called AIRM (Attachment Injury Repair Model) that helps us structure the sessions for this tender process.
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What if we’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t work?
I don’t just rely on surface-level skills or “I statements” that collapse when emotions spike. I use Emotionally Focused Therapy, which is proven to help couples - even years after treatment - but I pair it with trauma-informed care, parts work, and Attachment Theory. I see almost every type of couple, and my extensive experience allows me to spot patterns, de-escalate conflict, and guide real change. I’m constantly training and refining my approach to couples work, so you’re not just trying therapy again - you’re doing it in a way that actually works.
Romantic and Fun Activities for Couples in Quincy, MA
1. Stroll Along Wollaston Beach
Enjoy a relaxing walk along Quincy’s scenic coastline at Wollaston Beach. Stop for fresh seafood at Tony’s Clam Shop or The Clam Box for a casual date by the water.
2. Explore Marina Bay
Take in stunning views of the Boston skyline while dining at waterfront restaurants like Siros or 16C. Marina Bay offers romantic vibes and vibrant nightlife for couples.
3. Visit the Adams National Historical Park
Dive into history by touring the birthplaces of John Adams and John Quincy Adams. Stroll through beautiful gardens and connect over shared learning.
4. Take a Hike in Blue Hills Reservation
Just a short drive from Quincy, Blue Hills Reservation offers scenic trails for hiking or picnicking, perfect for nature-loving couples seeking an active date.
5. Discover Local Breweries
Sample craft beers together at Widowmaker Brewing or Granite Coast Brewing Company. A relaxed atmosphere and great drinks make for a perfect low-key date.
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