Kimberly Schildbach Therapy

Online Couples Therapy and Discernment Counseling in Washington, Massachusetts, Connecticut, & Florida.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) in Boston, Massachusetts

Specialized, attachment infused couples therapy for couples who want to stop fighting and start loving each other (all parts!) again.

Schedule an appointment

Couples Therapy - When You Want to Repair What’s Felt Broken

Those small disconnects add up: conversations that go nowhere, tension that never really settles, a growing sense that you’re missing each other even when you’re in the same room. And sometimes, layered on top of that, you’re also trying to carry things most relationships weren’t meant to carry - broken trust, infidelity, addiction, the kind of hurt that changes how safe love feels.

One of you wants to work it out, while the other wants to talk about it later, when you’re both calmer. Neither of you is wrong. But when those attachment strategies collide, it can feel like you’re constantly triggering each other. One reaches harder, the other pulls back. One says, “Come close so we can fix this.” The other says, “I keep getting this wrong.” And somehow, even though you’re both hurting, you end up feeling more alone.

You are in the right place, and there is hope. Couples therapy works. And it would be my privilege to come alongside you both as we heal the root causes so you can be best friends again.

How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Helps Couples Get to the Root of What Matters

Online EFT Couples Therapy in Boston, Massachusetts

The Approach I Use in Couples Therapy

I work with couples using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), one of the most researched and effective approaches in modern couples therapy. What draws me to EFT is that it gets underneath the surface of the arguments couples keep having. It is not about teaching you to argue more politely. It is not about deciding who is right and who is wrong. It is about understanding the emotional patterns that keep repeating between you, even when both of you truly want things to be better.

Most Arguments Are About Something Deeper

Most couples do not fight about what they think they are fighting about. The argument may start about money, parenting, sex, or who forgot to do something around the house, but those topics are rarely the real issue. Underneath those moments are much more vulnerable experiences. People begin to feel unseen, unimportant, rejected, or emotionally alone in the relationship. When those deeper feelings are not understood, they often show up as anger, criticism, withdrawal, defensiveness, or complete shutdown.

In EFT, we talk about these moments openly. Instead of reacting to the surface fight, we start paying attention to what is happening emotionally inside each of you. When couples begin to recognize those deeper feelings, the entire conversation starts to change.

Understanding the Cycle You Are Caught In

One of the most powerful shifts that happens in this work is when couples begin to see the pattern they are caught in. Instead of seeing each other as the enemy, you start to recognize the cycle itself. You begin to notice the moments when fear takes over, when old wounds get touched, or when the longing for closeness comes out sideways as anger or distance. Once that pattern becomes visible, something important happens. The problem stops being your partner and becomes the cycle the two of you are trapped in together. That shift opens the door for much more honest conversations about what each of you actually needs from the relationship.

Learning to Respond Differently to Each Other

As couples begin to understand the emotional experience underneath the conflict, new responses start to emerge. Partners learn how to reach for each other in ways that feel safer and more direct instead of falling back into criticism or withdrawal. These moments often feel surprisingly powerful because they address the deeper fears and longings that were hidden underneath the arguments. Over time, these new interactions help rebuild trust and stability in the relationship. Communication begins to feel less volatile. Emotional closeness becomes easier. Couples often describe feeling like they can finally talk about the things that matter most without everything falling apart.

When Relationships Are Under Real Strain

Emotionally Focused Therapy is especially powerful for couples dealing with intense conflict, emotional distance, betrayal, or moments when one or both partners are questioning whether the relationship can survive. These are painful places for couples to be, and they require careful, specialized work rather than quick advice or communication tricks. I have the reps and experience because my whole business is couples.

Couples therapy is about finally seeing the pattern that has been happening between you. When that pattern becomes clear, the endless arguments start to make more sense and the two of you can begin responding rather than reacting to each other. Many couples are surprised to discover that underneath all the conflict, there is a deep longing to feel close and safe with each other again. We just have to clear out the space between you two. Let's get to work.

Schedule an appointment

Not every couple who needs help is sure they want to stay together.

If one or both of you are unsure about continuing the relationship, Discernment Counseling may be a better starting point than traditional couples therapy.

Couples therapy is best when:

Both partners want to work on the relationship

Both partners have the emotional energy to be vulnerable

Even if the repair process is exhausting or tough, they are 10 out of 10 committed to rebuilding

Discernment Counseling is more appropriate when:

One partner is leaning out and unsure about staying

There’s significant ambivalence or exhaustion

Either of you is unsure you have the energy to rebuild

You need clarity before committing to therapy and taking divorce off the table

Discernment Counseling is a focused, time-limited process (usually 1–5 sessions) that helps couples find confidence in a direction for their marriage or partnership. It is not couples therapy - there is no expectation to repair the relationship or make an immediate decision. It is a process allowing you to think deeply about how your relationship got to this point and what personal changes would be required to heal the relationship.

You can learn more about how this process works on my Discernment Counseling page.

Discernment Counseling - For Couples Unsure About the Next Steps

Online EFT Couples Therapy in Boston, Massachusetts

Real help for couples who are stuck, disconnected, or hurting—and want something to actually change.

I provide couples therapy in the Boston area for couples who are tired of managing symptoms and want to understand what’s actually happening between them - and how to change it.

This work is structured, emotionally focused, and grounded in decades of research. It is practical, relational, and designed to create real change, not just insight.

Schedule an appointment

FAQs about Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling in Boston, Massachusetts

How do we know if couples therapy is right for us?

If you feel stuck in repeating conflicts, emotionally distant, or shaken by a loss of trust, couples therapy can help — even if things still feel manageable right now. I’ve seen again and again that when couples seek support early, before patterns become deeply entrenched, the work can be gentler and more effective. You don’t have to spend years unwinding disconnection that’s had time to harden. And if those patterns are already there, it’s not too late. Either way, couples therapy works. If you have a leak - you call a plumber. If you're fighting and struggling in your relationship - find a couples therapist.

What makes Emotionally Focused Therapy different?

EFT works at the emotional level where lasting change happens. Instead of focusing only on skills or behavior, it helps couples understand the deeper patterns that drive disconnection, so the relationship itself begins to feel safer and more secure. It helps couples speak and listen from the heart, rather than from their defenses. It's amazing the bonding that I see happening in sessions.

Can couples therapy help after infidelity or betrayal?

Yes. Many couples come after a discovery, affair, or long period of secrecy. EFT offers a structured, trauma-informed way to process what happened and begin rebuilding safety and trust, whether your goal is repair or clarity about what comes next.

What if one of us isn’t sure about staying together?

Discernment Counseling is a structured, time-limited (usually 1-5 sessions) process to help couples decide is they would like to move to separation and divorce or take divorce off the table for 6 months and commit to a robust round of couples therapy.

How long does couples therapy take?

I can’t answer that. (Helpful, right?)

If there has been an affair, secrecy, or betrayal, couples therapy can take time. Trust doesn’t come back in a few sessions — it often takes many for safety to be rebuilt. If there have been years of disconnection, you will both need the support of weekly therapy and the repetition of bonding moments in session to begin feeling like a team again.

I don’t think of couples therapy as something you use only when a catastrophe happens, for a limited amount of time. I think of sessions as a laboratory — a place where you’re supported as you learn a new way of turning toward each other with openness and trust.

Your whole life will be better for it.

Do you work with high-conflict couples?

Yes. I specialize in working with couples who feel stuck in intense, painful patterns. These relationships often have deep bonds underneath the conflict. The work is about helping you access that connection again without getting trapped in the same cycles.

What if we’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t help?

I’m sorry this has been your experience. When couples therapy hasn’t helped in the past, it’s often not because therapy itself doesn’t work — it’s because the approach or the level of experience wasn’t the right fit for what you were facing.

Working with a therapist who has deep experience with couples in crisis matters. High-conflict dynamics, long-standing disconnection, and breaches of trust require more than good intentions and basic skills. They require a clinician who knows how to recognize entrenched patterns quickly, intervene effectively in the moment, and guide couples through emotionally charged conversations without letting sessions spiral or stall.

Can couples therapy help with sex addiction or sexually problematic behaviors?

Yes—couples therapy can be a powerful part of healing from sex addiction, compulsive sexual behaviors, or other problematic sexual patterns. While individual therapy focuses on personal insight and behavior change, couples therapy focuses on the relationship impact: broken trust, emotional pain, fear, and the desire to reconnect.

Is watching too much porn the same as sex addiction?

Not always. Excessive pornography use can be one form of compulsive or problematic sexual behavior, but not everyone who uses porn heavily meets the criteria for what some call sex addiction.

The key questions are: Is the behavior feeling out of control? Is it creating distress, secrecy, or harm in your relationship or life? Are you turning toward porn instead of turning toward your partner? If so, it’s worth exploring—not to shame, but to understand what’s really going on.

Is your couples therapy only for heterosexual couples?

Absolutely not. People of all genders and sexual orientations struggle with disconnection and communication difficulties in their relationships. I work with all couples—including queer, non-monogamous, and LGBTQIA+ partners - who are navigating challenges.

Whatever your identity or background, if you’re seeking help and healing, you are welcome here.

I’m afraid I’ll be blamed or shamed in couples therapy. Will I?

No. That’s not how I work.

You’re not here to be shamed. You’re here because something important in your relationship is hurting - and because you care enough to face it. My goal is to help you come closer to your inner world and share that with your partner. If shame arrives as we're exploring who you are - we can explore that too.

What if I cheated or went outside the relationship and I don’t even know why I did what I did?

That’s more common than you think.

Many people who struggle with porn use, compulsive sexual behaviors, or secrecy in relationships don’t fully understand their own patterns yet. That’s okay. Couples therapy isn’t about having all the answers - it’s about creating a space where real understanding can start.

What if I’m scared this will make things worse?

It’s okay to be scared. I want to help you find that part inside that wants the cake and the frosting. Everyone deserves loving and supportive relationships, even if that isn't what they felt like in the past. If you've endured more than most, we'll prioritize you feeling safe in sessions - so you can explore what feels good for you in relationships and then we'll work together to help you communicate that to your partner.

Relaxing Things for Couples to Do in Boston

Calm & Scenic Outdoor Relaxation

Boston Public Garden & Swan Boats – Gentle strolls or a ride on the swan boats in this historic garden make for a peaceful shared moment.
Charles River Esplanade – Riverside paths ideal for a sunset walk, sitting by the water, or enjoying a quiet conversation.

Jamaica Pond – A looping path around this serene pond — great for a relaxed walk or picnic with views.

Spa & Wellness (Relax Together)

étant, A Spa for Well Being – Highly rated spa in Boston offering massages and wellness treatments for a shared escape.
The Spa at Mandarin Oriental – Luxe spa experience with massages and relaxation spaces.
The Spa at Encore Boston Harbor – Top-rated spa just outside the city with restorative treatments.

Other Relaxed Date Ideas

Take a Boston Harbor cruise for sunset views and city lights from the water.
Visit the Museum of Fine Arts — calm galleries and inspiring art spark relaxed conversation.