Kimberly Schildbach Therapy
Online Couples Therapy and Discernment Counseling in Washington, Massachusetts, Connecticut, & Florida.
Discernment Counseling in
Wellesley, Massachusetts
If you're choosing between divorce or repairing your relationship - Discernment Counseling helps you find clarity and confidence in your decision.
One of you is leaning out - one is leaning in -
or you're both unsure
Discernment Counseling is for when you’re not sure whether to rebuild or walk away.
One of you wants to fight for the relationship, the other isn’t sure it’s worth it. You’re exhausted by the uncertainty but afraid to make the wrong call.
You don’t have to agree to “work on the relationship” to begin. This process is for couples where one person is leaning in and the other is leaning out. The goal isn’t to fix things - it’s to understand what’s possible
and what’s not.
Each of you has space to explore your feelings and fears without being pushed to decide too soon. Together, we’ll uncover what’s keeping you stuck and what might help you move forward. Whether that means repair or separation, you’ll leave with a clear next step.
You’ll be guided by a calm, seasoned, Certified professional.
I’ve worked with countless couples at this exact crossroads. My role is to help you both feel understood while holding the relationship steady enough to examine it honestly. Traditional couples therapy isn’t designed for this kind of uncertainty - but Discernment Counseling is.
Standing at the Crossroads of Your Relationship? Don’t Decide in the Dark
Online Discernment Counseling in Wellesley, Massachusetts
Discernment Counseling Is Different
Discernment counseling isn’t traditional couples therapy. We’re repairing the relationship. Instead, we pause, step back, and get clear about how you got here, what’s happening now, and what’s possible.
It’s for couples where the future feels uncertain - maybe one of you is leaning toward divorce, the other is hoping things can change, or both of you feel stuck in the middle.
Short, Focused, Intentional
This work is time-limited. Most couples meet 1–5 sessions, with three being typical. The goal is to help you both move toward clarity about the direction for your relationship. Discernment counseling gives you a clear framework for one of life’s biggest decisions.
What We Explore Together
In our sessions, all together and individually, we dig into:
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what led you to question the relationship or consider divorce
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your contributions - how each of you has played a part
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the impact of separation - what divorce or separation would truly mean for your lives
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the three paths - which option you’re open to exploring: staying as-is, separating, or committing to repair
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understanding each other - how much each of you truly understands your partner’s experience
The Three Paths
Discernment counseling leads to one of three outcomes:
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Remain as you are - Sometimes the decision is to stay where you are, with the relationship in its current state.
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Move toward separation or divorce
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Take divorce off the table and commit to repair - If both partners are willing, you enter six months of focused couples therapy, each bringing a clear personal agenda for change and growth.
Why Every Couple Deserves This Process
Deciding whether to stay or leave is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make together. Most couples try to figure it out while still in the middle of the pain, the arguing, or the distance - and that rarely works. Discernment counseling gives you a proven, structured process for understanding how you feel, what you need, and what is truly possible. I’ll guide you step by step so you can decide - instead of guessing, hoping, or rushing into a choice that might haunt you later.
Research from Dr. William J. Doherty and colleagues looked at 100 couples who went through Discernment Counseling. After completing the process, couples made one of three choices:
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About 47–48% chose to pursue reconciliation and enter couples therapy, with a real intention to work on the relationship.
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Around 41–42% chose to move toward separation or divorce, but with clarity and confidence about that decision.
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Roughly 12% chose to stay in the relationship as-is without yet committing to therapy or divorce.
A larger dataset of nearly 950 couples shows similar patterns:
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51% chose therapy or reconciliation
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30% chose divorce or separation
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19% chose to maintain the status quo
These numbers aren’t about “success” or “failure.” They’re about clarity and confidence - the whole point of Discernment Counseling is to help couples decide intentionally about their next step, rather than staying stuck in uncertainty.
Source:
• Discernment Counseling for “Mixed-Agenda” Couples, William J. Doherty et al., Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (2016). Link here.
In plain terms: Nearly half of couples go on to work on the relationship after discernment counseling, while most of the rest make a confident decision to separate or divorce.
What Couples Actually Decide After Discernment Counseling: What the Research Says
Online Discernment Counseling in Wellesley, Massachusetts
Listen as Dr. Bill Doherty, founder of Discernment Counseling, explains the process and how it helps couples on the brink gain clarity and direction.
Frequently Asked Questions about Discernment Counseling in Wellesley, Massachusetts
What if one of us has already decided to leave?
If one partner has fully made up their mind to leave, Discernment Counseling may not be helpful. Instead, mediation or a therapist specializing in separation might be a better fit.
Should you do couples counseling if you're thinking of divorce?
If you're unsure about staying in your relationship, Discernment Counseling is a better option than traditional couples therapy. Unlike standard couples counseling, which focuses on improving the relationship, Discernment Counseling helps you decide whether to work on the relationship or move toward divorce. If one of you is leaning out, couples therapy won’t be effective.
Can Discernment Counseling help us stay together?
It’s not designed to fix relationship problems but rather to help couples determine if they are willing to work on the relationship. If both partners choose to commit to rebuilding, they can transition into couples therapy.
Is it Discernment Counseling judgmental?
No, Discernment Counseling is a non-judgmental process. Couples come in with current infidelity, past infidelities, hurtful behaviors, trust issues - you name it. The goal is to understand each person’s perspective and offer clarity, not push a specific outcome.
What if we decide to separate?
If separation is the decision, Discernment Counseling can help partners navigate the process with greater understanding and respect, reducing unnecessary conflict and paving the way for a more collaborative divorce.
Reconnect in Wellesley, Massachusetts: A Few Intentional Stops Couples to Enjoy
If you’re searching for spaces to reconnect rather than regroup, consider weaving your afternoon or evening through a mix of calm, conversation, and presence. Start with Bella Santé Day Spa – Wellesley where you can book a side‑by‑side couples massage in a peaceful suite designed just for two—no agenda, just presence. After the quiet reset, head over to Elm Bank Reservation, a 36‑acre riverside estate with gardens and quiet paths perfect for reflection and conversation. Then drift into dinner at Alta Strada – Wellesley, a warm Italian spot at 92 Central Street where dim lights and hearty food invite you back into the chair of “us” instead of “you versus me.” Cap off the evening with a stroll through Wellesley College Botanic Gardens — 22 acres of green, quiet, and possibility, where you can pause and ask something like, “If we left here feeling… what would that feel like?”
