One of you is leaning out - one is leaning in - or you're both unsure.
When you’re not sure whether to rebuild or walk away.
One of you wants to fight for the relationship, the other isn’t sure it’s worth it. You’re exhausted by the uncertainty but afraid to make the wrong call. Discernment Counseling helps you slow down and see what’s really driving the distance.
You don’t have to agree to “work on the relationship” to begin. This process is for couples where one person is leaning in and the other is leaning out. The goal isn’t to fix things—it’s to understand what’s possible and what’s not.
Each of you has space to explore your feelings and fears without being pushed to decide too soon. Together, we’ll uncover what’s keeping you stuck and what might help you move forward. Whether that means repair or separation, you’ll leave with a clear next step.
You’ll be guided by a calm, seasoned professional.
I’ve worked with countless couples at this exact crossroads. My role is to help you both feel understood while holding the relationship steady enough to examine it honestly. Traditional couples therapy isn’t designed for this kind of uncertainty—but Discernment Counseling is.
When you're unsure and you need help. Online Discernment Counseling in Wellesley, Massachusetts.
You’re standing at a crossroads.
One of you is holding on, the other is already halfway out. You don’t want to waste months in couples therapy when one or both of you aren’t sure you even want to stay—but you also don’t want to walk away and wonder, “What if we could have saved it?”
Discernment Counseling is a short, focused process—up to five sessions—designed to bring truth and clarity to that in-between space. It’s not about repairing the relationship. It’s about deciding whether it can be repaired.
What Discernment Counseling Offers
• Clarity
You’ll stop spinning in indecision and start seeing what’s really happening in your relationship. Together, we’ll uncover how each of you has contributed to the disconnection—and what would need to change for things to heal.
• Honesty
This isn’t about assigning fault or forcing reconciliation. It’s a structured process that helps you face the truth with compassion, accountability, and courage. My role is to guide you both—without judgment.
• A Decision You Can Stand Behind
By the end of this process, you’ll know which path is right for you. You’ll leave with insight, direction, and the relief of knowing you didn’t just react—you reflected, understood, and chose with intention.
Three Possible Outcomes
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Status Quo: You decide to pause big decisions and continue as you are, without moving forward or separating.
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Separation or Divorce: You agree it’s time to part, doing so with clarity and care instead of chaos or regret.
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Full Commitment to Repair: You both agree to put separation off the table for six months and commit—fully—to couples therapy. That means showing up, staying in, and working toward reconnection with structure, goals, and honesty
In Discernment Counseling each partner commits to one session at a time. After each session, you both decide where you stand and whether you’d like to continue.
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is a Good Fit If…
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Either partner is unsure – When one partner is leaning out of the relationship while the other wants to stay, discernment counseling provides a structured space to explore options.
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Clarity before commitment – Instead of rushing into therapy or divorce, couples gain a deeper understanding of their issues and whether they can be resolved.
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No pressure to fix or end – The goal isn’t to solve marital problems but to determine if they can be solved.
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Guided by an expert – A trained discernment counselor helps you navigate the process with structure, not judgment.
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Time-limited approach – With a maximum of five sessions, it’s a focused way to make a thoughtful, informed decision.
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Personal and relational insight – Even if the couple ultimately separates, both partners gain a clearer understanding of their relationship patterns and how they arrived at this point.
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is Not a Good Fit If…
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One partner has already made a final decision to divorce – If a spouse is fully committed to leaving, discernment counseling isn’t necessary. Individual therapy for each partner is more appropriate.
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Coercion is involved – If one partner is pressuring the other to participate, the process won’t be effective.
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There is danger of domestic violence – Safety must come first, and discernment therapy is not appropriate in abusive relationships.
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Both partners are fully committed to working on the marriage – If both want to repair the relationship, traditional couples therapy is the better choice.
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One partner is unwilling to engage – If a spouse refuses to reflect or participate meaningfully, the process won’t be productive.
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The primary goal is to ‘fix’ the other person – Discernment therapy is about understanding the relationship, not placing blame or forcing change.
Listen as Dr. Bill Doherty, founder of Discernment Counseling, explains the process and how it helps couples on the brink gain clarity and direction.
Frequently Asked Questions about Discernment Counseling
What is your fee for Discernment Counseling?
The initial session is a 2-hour deep dive and is $800. Follow-up sessions are 80 minutes and $600 each.
What if one of us has already decided to leave?
If one partner has fully made up their mind to leave, discernment counseling may not be helpful. Instead, mediation or a therapist specializing in separation might be a better fit.
Should you do couples counseling if you're thinking of divorce?
If you're unsure about staying in your relationship, discernment counseling is a better option than traditional couples therapy. Unlike standard couples counseling, which focuses on improving the relationship, discernment counseling helps you decide whether to work on the relationship or move toward divorce. If one of you is leaning out, couples therapy won’t be effective. Discernment counseling provides a structured space to make a clear decision—either committing fully to couples therapy or choosing to separate.
Can discernment counseling help us stay together?
It’s not designed to fix relationship problems but rather to help couples determine if they are willing to work on the relationship. If both partners choose to commit to rebuilding, they can transition into couples therapy.
Is it discernment counseling judgmental?
No, discernment counseling is a non-judgmental process. The goal is to understand each person’s perspective and offer clarity, not push a specific outcome.
What if we decide to separate?
If separation is the decision, discernment counseling can help partners navigate the process with greater understanding and respect, reducing unnecessary conflict.
What if we still feel unsure after five sessions of discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling is designed to be a short-term process, with a five-session limit to create a balance between urgency and thoughtful reflection. About 12% of couples choose to maintain the status quo afterward, which is completely valid. If you're still uncertain, there’s no need to rush—taking more time to process is always an option.
Reconnect in Wellesley, Massachusetts: A Few Intentional Stops Couples to Enjoy
If you’re searching for spaces to reconnect rather than regroup, consider weaving your afternoon or evening through a mix of calm, conversation, and presence. Start with Bella Santé Day Spa – Wellesley where you can book a side‑by‑side couples massage in a peaceful suite designed just for two—no agenda, just presence. After the quiet reset, head over to Elm Bank Reservation, a 36‑acre riverside estate with gardens and quiet paths perfect for reflection and conversation. Then drift into dinner at Alta Strada – Wellesley, a warm Italian spot at 92 Central Street where dim lights and hearty food invite you back into the chair of “us” instead of “you versus me.” Cap off the evening with a stroll through Wellesley College Botanic Gardens — 22 acres of green, quiet, and possibility, where you can pause and ask something like, “If we left here feeling… what would that feel like?”
