Kimberly Schildbach Therapy
Online Couples Therapy and Discernment Counseling in Washington, Massachusetts, Connecticut, & Florida.
Discernment Counseling Intensive for Couples Facing Divorce
If you’re stuck between trying to repair the relationship and seriously considering divorce, this is a structured, short-term process to help you decide with clarity.
You Don’t Have to Keep Living in This Question
Couples Therapy Services in all of Massachusetts, Connecticut, Washington, and Florida.
Stay? Leave? Stay? Leave? The questions spin round and round. Will this destroy the life you’ve built - or save you from years of regret? Guilt, fear, and uncertainty have you frozen. Your heart wants one thing, your head another, and everyone around you has opinions you can’t take. Every choice feels like a trap. And the longer this goes on, the heavier it gets.
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But what if you didn’t have to guess?
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What if you could use a proven, specialized process like Discernment Counseling - in a focused, private intensive - to help you sort out what’s actually happening inside and between you, without taking months?
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That’s exactly what an Intensive can do.
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It gives this decision the space, structure, and depth it actually requires - so you can move forward with confidence, knowing you gave yourself and your relationship the process it deserves.
You Don’t Need More Time. You Need a Way to Actually Decide.
Discernment Counseling Couples Intensive
Time to Stop Waiting for a Decision to Find You
I know right now you’re probably frozen. Living in limbo can make you numb. Every choice feels like a trap. If I stay, is that right? If I want a divorce, is that right? A Discernment Counseling Intensive helps you step back from conflict and past relationship injuries so you’re not thinking about whether you can solve your problems - but whether you want to.
We explore how your relationship got to this point - including your contributions - and reflect on when it was good. What did it feel like then, and could it ever feel that way again? We’re not fixing anything. There is no blame, no accusations. This is a way to honestly look at your relationship and begin to identify how you truly feel. An intensive helps you cut through it all faster than ongoing Discernment Counseling.
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Discernment is Not About Fixing
We meet all together first. I want to see what’s really happening between you, hear what’s unsaid, and understand how you got here. I want to know about any past couples therapy - what did it address? How did it help (or not)? I then center our individual conversations around the three paths open to you:
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Status quo: remain as you are.
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Move toward separation or divorce.
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Take divorce off the table and commit to a 6-month round of couples therapy with the goal of healing your relationship.
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In our individual time, I will guide you gently through all the concerns swimming in your head so you can explore what’s happening in your heart and mind - without feeling like you have to hold back or temper your answers to manage your partner’s reaction.
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See How You Got Here - Without Blame
I help you see how your relationship got to this point and whether you have the energy and will to restore it - or if leaving, with understanding of yourself and your partner, is the smarter move. You’ll see your role in the disconnection so you can use this knowledge in every relationship you have going forward - not just this one. I want you to walk out knowing you did everything you could before making this life-altering decision.
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Champion Your Marriage Without Pressure
If you’re the one leaning in, I help you fight for your marriage without pressuring a partner who isn’t ready. Right now, they need space to discern how they feel. It would never be helpful for you to be vulnerable if your partner isn’t 100% willing to heal the relationship with you. I’ll help you champion your relationship while caring for yourself. It might feel unfair, but if you both decide to heal in couples therapy, that imbalance will end as the process of healing begins.
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If There’s an Ongoing Affair
If there’s an ongoing affair, I’ll guide you through two discernment processes at once: one about the marriage and one about the affair. We’re not fixing anything, and disclosure is only necessary if you decide to move forward and heal your relationship. I can help you and your partner process this and decide if they’re still willing to commit to couples therapy. (This might involve an extra session.)
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Fast and Focused
Discernment Counseling Intensives unite a proven, specialized process with the speed of an intensive. Why take months stuck in limbo when you can achieve clarity in 3 sessions?
Give yourself a supportive process to decide.
Ready to move out of limbo?
Discernment Counseling Intensives guide you through the hardest parts of considering separation or divorce, as well as what would be required to enter couples therapy that leads to real healing - not just spinning your wheels. Through our conversations, my guidance, and carefully asked questions, you’ll begin to understand how you feel and how your partner feels. It’s a proven process where true discernment happens.
This process isn’t about fixing the relationship or assigning blame. We’re taking a wider view. Do you really have the energy and desire to heal your relationship? What are your biggest hesitations about separating or getting a divorce?
If you’re leaning in and considering repair, we’ll get clear on your why. What’s still here? What feels worth fighting for? And just as importantly - what can you see yourself changing to make your relationship better? And if your relationship moves toward divorce: what values do you want to bring to that process? Lots of questions, but in Discernment Counseling you have a proven, supportive process to help you answer them.
Instead of spinning your wheels in couples therapy or trying to “think about it” and getting overwhelmed, you stay with the hard questions long enough to truly discover how you feel.
We separate the decision from the repair - so you’re not trying to fix a relationship you’re not even sure you want. This reduces pressure and allows the process to work.
If you’re in different places, no problem. This is designed for couples with a mixed agenda - one partner leaning out, the other unsure or wanting to try.
Our work helps you take a pause, so you’re making a responsive, thoughtful decision rather than reacting in the heat of conflict or choosing after years of hurt or disconnection.
It also helps you avoid the two biggest mistakes: divorcing too quickly when there may still be something to repair, or entering couples therapy half-heartedly and spinning endlessly in a stuck process.
Even if you do separate, this process creates a more respectful, intentional path forward - especially for co-parenting.
Understanding: Of yourself and your partner - leading to a more collaborative divorce if that’s the path, or a motivated, purposeful couples therapy process if you move toward healing.
Clarity: About how you really feel and what you’re willing - or not willing - to do.
A Confident Decision: Not based on conflict or emotion, but on a true process of discernment. Even a hard decision feels solid when you know you’ve done the work.
A Clearer Picture: Whether to repair the marriage or move on, reducing the anxiety of uncertainty.
Insight Into Your Role: Understand your contributions to the partnership’s challenges, helping prevent repeating patterns in future relationships.
Reduced Conflict: Whether staying or leaving, the process sets the stage for better communication as you move forward.
Deeper Awareness: You’ll gain a richer understanding of your relationship’s dynamics, your individual contributions, and leave with a clear choice about your path forward.
Instead of 2 months of therapy -
3 days to clarity.
​3 day private Divorce Decision: Discernment Counseling Intensive:
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Initial Intake Session (2 hours)
$900
We begin here. This session helps us understand what’s brought you to this point and what each of you is considering. -
If you choose to continue, we schedule Session Two (3 hours)
$1,800
We deepen the discernment process, exploring patterns and what each path forward could look like. -
Final Intensive Session (3 hours)
$1,800
This session is focused on finalizing a clear decision about which path to take - so that if the marriage does end, it’s not because something was left unexplored or misunderstood. If divorce is the choice, I can help you both process that decision and map next steps. If reconciliation is chosen, we’ll clarify each of your personal agendas for change so your couples therapy begins with real momentum.
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Additional Support (if needed):
I offer a limited number of additional support sessions for couples who need extra guidance - whether it’s navigating added complexity (such as disclosing an affair and deciding whether repair is possible), moving toward a collaborative divorce process, or simply needing space to sort through logistics and next steps. These sessions are time-limited, with a defined ending, so you don't get caught in another form of limbo.​​
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Additional 3-hour session
$1,800
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Initial intake appointments and intensive therapy blocks require a full-fee deposit, as this time is reserved exclusively for you and other inquiries cannot be accommodated.
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Payment is accepted via credit card or HSA. You’ll securely add your card through the online client portal when completing your intake paperwork.
What Couples Actually Decide After Discernment Counseling: What the Research Says
Discernment Counseling Couples Intensive in all of Massachusetts, Connecticut, Washington, and Florida.
Research from Dr. William J. Doherty and colleagues looked at 100 couples who went through Discernment Counseling. After completing the process, couples made one of three choices:
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About 47–48% chose to pursue reconciliation and enter couples therapy, with a real intention to work on the relationship.
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Around 41–42% chose to move toward separation or divorce, but with clarity and confidence about that decision.
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Roughly 12% chose to stay in the relationship as-is without yet committing to therapy or divorce.
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A larger dataset of nearly 950 couples shows similar patterns:
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51% chose therapy or reconciliation
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30% chose divorce or separation
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19% chose to maintain the status quo
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These numbers aren’t about “success” or “failure.” They’re about clarity and confidence - the whole point of Discernment Counseling is to help couples decide intentionally about their next step, rather than staying stuck in uncertainty.
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Source:
• Discernment Counseling for “Mixed-Agenda” Couples, William J. Doherty et al., Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (2016). Link here.
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In plain terms: Nearly half of couples go on to work on the relationship after discernment counseling, while most of the rest make a confident decision to separate or divorce.
FAQs about Divorce Decision: Discernment Counseling Intensive
What is a Discernment Counseling Intensive?
It’s a fast, focused process for couples at a crossroads. A structured, proven approach to help you face the hard questions and clarify whether repair, separation, or divorce is the path that makes sense for you. I prefer to offer it in an intensive format for busy couples. Many couples are in deep pain and would like to move out of limbo as fast as possible.
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How is this different from regular couples therapy?
We’re not fixing the relationship in these sessions. Traditional couples therapy assumes both partners are wanting to heal the relationship, a good couples therapist will lead both of you deeper and deeper into vulnerability. If one of you is undecided, couples therapy becomes skewed - with one partner opening up and the other holding back. You can stay stuck there for months with no breakthrough. Before you enter couples therapy you can choose a process that will help you decide if you even have the energy or the interest in opening up and healing. And with an intensive structure - this process moves faster.
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Who is this for?
Couples in limbo - when one partner is leaning out and the other isn’t sure, or when both need clarity before making a major decision. It’s also for relationships complicated by affairs, repeated conflict, or high-stakes uncertainty. We won’t be revisiting all the injuries. If you need to discern the next steps for your relationship - whether to heal or let go - Discernment Counseling is for you.
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What happens in a Discernment Counseling Intensive?
We start together to see the full picture, then meet individually so each of you can speak freely. Sessions guide you through your feelings, your partner’s perspective, and your options - without blame or pressure. I have no vote in your decision. My job is to help you explore all parts, possibilities, and feelings bo that by the final session, you’ll have made clear and confident decision about next steps for your relationship.
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How many sessions do I need?
Most couples complete the process in 3 sessions: a 2-hour intake, a 3-hour follow-up if you’re still discerning, and a final 3-hour session to decide or process. Additional sessions are optional if more support is needed. Usually these can all be scheduled within 2 weeks. Compare that to weekly Discernment Counseling - with busy schedules it can take months to schedule and complete the 1-5 session process.
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What if I've filed for divorce?
That’s okay. As long as you’re still unsure, the process is the same - though an intensive can give you clarity faster when time feels urgent. Taking the time to fully understand each other now can set the stage for a more collaborative divorce process and healthier co-parenting. The intensive helps you decide thoughtfully rather than reactively. If divorce is the path, you’ll leave with a clearer, more intentional plan. If repair feels possible, you’ll have a roadmap for healing - knowing you’ve fully explored your options.
**Important: If you’ve fully made up your mind to divorce and just need someone to guide the legal process, a divorce mediator or collaborative divorce lawyer is more appropriate. This process is not for using a therapist to explain your decision to your partner or to process the divorce with them - it’s designed for couples who are still unsure and need clarity before taking the next step.
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What if there’s an ongoing affair?
I can guide you through two discernment processes at once: one for the marriage and one for the affair. Disclosure is only necessary if you choose to move forward with repair. If you decide to disclose while moving toward couples therapy, we can add extra sessions to support your partner in starting a new or altered discernment process: exploring whether they still want to move toward healing the relationship now that they have this new information.