Kimberly Schildbach Therapy
Online Couples Therapy and Discernment Counseling in Washington, Massachusetts, Connecticut, & Florida.
Discernment Counseling in Lexington, Massachusetts
Discernment counseling is a brief, structured process that helps couples gain clarity about the future of their relationship when divorce or separation is being considered.
When Love Feels Like a Question You Can’t Answer
You’re here because something feels deeply uncertain - and living in limbo is exhausting.
You keep asking yourself Should I stay or should I go? and can’t land on an answer.
One of you may be leaning out while the other is trying to hold things together—and that gap hurts.
Conversations go in circles, shut down completely, or explode into the same old fight.
You’re afraid couples therapy might push too fast when clarity—not fixing—is what’s missing.
You feel pressure to decide, even though you’re not ready—and scared of choosing wrong.
This is what Discernment Counseling is designed for - to help you consider your next steps with a clear, structured process. Let's move you out of limbo to clarity.
Right now you're caught in limbo, struggling to decide whether you should stay or go. There are so many factors to consider, and your whole world is in turmoil. Discernment Counseling is designed for this exact moment.
Discernment Counseling is a decision-making process, not a repair process. This work is designed to answer one central question: Should we commit to a serious round of couples therapy and work to repair this relationship, continue as we are, or move toward separation or divorce?
You're probably having the same conversations over and over (either within yourself or with your partner) without getting any closer to an answer. My role is to help you examine all the possibilities, how it will impact your friends, children (if applicable), work, finances, and social circle. I will help each of you move beyond blame and look carefully at your own contributions to the current state of the relationship, what you have already tried, and whether you are genuinely willing to do what repairing the relationship would require. Rather than getting stuck in endless discussions about whether to stay or go, we focus on understanding what each choice would actually mean for your life.
Discernment Counseling is a short-term (ongoing is 1-5 sessions, accelerated is 2 3-hour extended sessions) process designed to help you find clarity. We are not repairing; we are determining whether there is enough commitment, motivation, and willingness from each of you to begin that work.
The goal is confidence in your decision. You did all that you could to make an informed and responsive (rather than reactive) decision. Whether you choose couples therapy or separation, you will know you made the decision thoughtfully with a clear examination of your options and what each option would require from you.
Discernment Counseling: A Structured Way for Couples to Make Their Most Important Decision Without Regret
Discernment Counseling in Lexington, Massachusetts
What You Can Expect From Me
Discernment Counseling in Lexington, Massachusetts
My role is to help you both consider all your options. I want to help you really listen to each other and find understanding of yourself and your partner. I will not be shaming you for any choices you made that hurt your relationship. I want to support you as you explore your history, your doubts, your choices and help you find a clear path forward.
What will couples therapy with divorce off the table entail and are you willing and ready to put in that effort?
What will moving toward divorce really entail for you, your partner, your children, your finances, and your future?
Is there a sliver of doubt that keeps you stuck?
What understanding do you need in order to make a decision you can live with?
I bring over 20 years of experience working with couples. I’m trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), which helps me see the patterns couples slowly fall into - patterns that can quietly erode connection over time. This lens allows me to help each of you understand how your own responses and behaviors have contributed to the disconnection, without turning one partner into the problem.
Discernment Counseling is a form of divorce counseling that helps each partner find clarity and confidence about the future of their marriage by gaining a deeper understanding of how the relationship reached this point - and by gently taking responsibility for their own part in that journey as you move forward to either keep the status quo, move toward separation or divorce, or commit to 6 months of couples therapy with divorce off the table to try and repair their relationship.
Living in limbo is exhausting.
Living in limbo is exhausting. You may be stuck in uncertainty or waiting for your partner to decide the future of the relationship. The not-knowing seeps into everything - your energy, your patience, every way you show up in your life.
When you’re not aligned, traditional couples therapy can add pressure and deepen resistance. Discernment Counseling is designed for this moment: a short-term process to slow things down, reduce pressure, and help each of you find clarity before making a life-altering decision.
FAQs about Discernment Counseling in Lexington, Massachusetts
Is Discernment Counseling only for couples considering divorce?
Yes. Discernment Counseling is specifically for couples where separation or divorce is on the table and at least one partner is unsure about continuing the relationship. Some people refer to discernment counseling as “divorce counseling.” If one or both of you feels ambivalent about the relationship, it’s a process designed to help you gain clarity before committing to couples therapy or moving forward with divorce.
What does “leaning in” and “leaning out” mean?
The leaning‑in partner wants to work on the relationship and fears losing it. The leaning‑out partner is uncertain, emotionally disengaged, or considering ending the relationship. Discernment Counseling is designed for this exact mismatch. When there is ambivalence you need a trained Discernment Counselor to help you out of the stuck place.
Will you try to convince the leaning‑out partner to stay?
No. Discernment Counseling in Lexington isn’t about saving the relationship or pushing for a particular outcome. The focus is clarity. Pressuring a leaning-out partner often creates more distance. Instead, I help both of you carefully explore all three paths: remaining where you are for now, moving toward separation or divorce, or committing to six months of couples therapy with divorce off the table.
What if the leaning‑in partner feels desperate or powerless?
This is common. When there is a marriage crisis and you feel like the decision rests on your partner, it can be upsetting. Our work in Discernment Counseling is to help you, as the leaning-in partner, step out of urgency and regain a sense of agency - regardless of the outcome.
How many sessions does Discernment Counseling take?
Most couples complete the process in 1–5 sessions. You only commit to one session at a time, giving each of you space to feel certain about where you stand before deciding the next step.
What if one partner doesn’t want to come?
That’s common. Discernment Counseling can often begin even when one partner is reluctant or unsure. If both partners can agree - without any pressure - to attend one session at a time, the process can still be effective without requiring a longer commitment upfront.
What if there has been infidelity or betrayal?
Discernment Counseling can help determine whether repair is something both partners genuinely want - or whether separation is the clearer path. If you choose to stay together, Discernment Counseling sets you up to begin building momentum for couples therapy for infidelity.
What happens after Discernment Counseling ends?
You will leave with a clearer sense of direction - whether that is couples therapy, separation or divorce, or a decision to pause and remain at the current status quo. If you choose Path 3 and I have availability, we can begin couples therapy together. If you prefer a warm handoff to a trusted colleague, I can absolutely facilitate that as well. I want you to find the support that works for you.
Couples Therapy and Reflection in Lexington, Massachusetts
For couples looking for space to slow down and decide their next steps, Lexington offers peaceful spots to reconnect and reflect together:
Minuteman Bikeway
– ideal for walking and talking in nature
Lexington Battle Green
– quiet historic space to pause and reflect
Munroe Center for the Arts Café
– cozy spot for conversation
Hancock-Clarke House Gardens
– serene gardens for calm and focus
I work with couples in Lexington and across Massachusetts to create structured discernment sessions that give you the space, to achieve clarity - whether you’re rebuilding your relationship or considering separation.
You're Covered in Lexington
Discernment Counseling in Lexington, Massachusetts
I provide online Discernment Counseling for couples struggling to decide whether to stay together or separate for residents throughout Lexington, including:
Lexington Center - East Lexington - Follen Heights - Turning Mill - Munroe Hill - Merriam Hill - Woodhaven - Liberty Heights - The Manor - Six Moon Hill - Countryside - Peacock Farm - Bridge School Area - Burlington - Bedford - Lincoln - Arlington - Belmont - Waltham - Winchester
Also providing online couples therapy throughout Greater Boston and across Massachusetts.