When Love Feels Like a Question You Can’t Answer
You’re not here because things are “kind of hard.”
You’re here because something feels deeply uncertain—and living in that uncertainty is exhausting.
You keep asking yourself Should I stay or should I go? and can’t land on an answer.
One of you may be leaning out while the other is trying to hold things together—and that gap hurts.
Conversations go in circles, shut down completely, or explode into the same old fight.
You’re afraid couples therapy might push too fast when clarity—not fixing—is what’s missing.
You feel pressure to decide, even though you’re not ready—and scared of choosing wrong.
This is what Discernment Counseling is designed for - to help you consider your next steps with a clear, structured process.
What Discernment Counseling
Actually Does
I specialize in working with high‑conflict couples and those on the brink of divorce or separation. Discernment Counseling is a decision‑making process, not a repair process.
This work is designed to answer one central question:
Should we try to repair this relationship—or move toward separation or divorce?
Discernment Counseling is:
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Short‑term (typically 1–5 sessions)
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Highly structured
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Focused on clarity, not compromise
We are not teaching communication skills. We are not negotiating changes.
Discernment Counseling offers you both a process to decide how you feel and to choose a path that's right for you.
Sessions include time together and time individually. This allows:
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The leaning‑out partner to explore why they are leaning out—without being argued with or persuaded.
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The leaning‑in partner to step out of chasing, pleading, or convincing—and regain a sense of grounded agency.
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Both partners to understand how the relationship arrived at this crossroads and what choice they would each need to make to repair the relationship.
The outcome of Discernment Counseling is one of three clear paths:
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Maintain the status quo for now, without escalating toward divorce or therapy.
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Move toward separation or divorce with greater emotional clarity and less collateral damage.
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Choose to engage in couples therapy with divorce off the table for at least six months, with both partners fully aligned and committed to repair.
What You Can Expect From Me
My role is active, thoughtful, and steady. I don’t take sides, and I don’t rush the process. I’m not here to push reconciliation or steer you toward a particular outcome—but to help create enough safety and clarity for a real decision to emerge.
I bring over 20 years of experience working with couples. I’m trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), which helps me see the patterns couples slowly fall into—patterns that can quietly erode connection over time. This lens allows me to help each of you understand how your own responses and behaviors have contributed to the disconnection, without turning one partner into the problem.
Discernment Counseling helps each partner find clarity and confidence about the future of their marriage by gaining a deeper understanding of how the relationship reached this point—and by gently taking responsibility for their own part in that journey.
Living in limbo is exhausting.
Living in limbo is exhausting. You may be stuck in uncertainty or waiting for your partner to decide the future of the relationship. The not-knowing seeps into everything—your energy, your patience, and how you show up with each other.
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When you’re not aligned, traditional couples therapy can add pressure and deepen resistance. Discernment Counseling is designed for this moment: a short-term process to slow things down, reduce pressure, and help each of you find clarity before making a life-altering decision.
FAQs about Discernment Counseling in Lexington, Massachusetts
Is Discernment Counseling only for couples considering divorce?
Yes. Discernment Counseling is specifically for couples where separation or divorce is on the table and at least one partner is unsure about continuing the relationship.
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What does “leaning in” and “leaning out” mean?
The leaning‑in partner wants to work on the relationship and fears losing it. The leaning‑out partner is uncertain, emotionally disengaged, or considering ending the relationship. Discernment Counseling is designed for this exact mismatch.
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Will you try to convince the leaning‑out partner to stay?
No. Discernment Counseling isn’t about saving the relationship or pushing for a particular outcome. The focus is clarity. Pressuring a leaning-out partner often creates more distance. Instead, I help both of you carefully explore all three paths: remaining where you are for now, moving toward separation or divorce, or committing to six months of couples therapy with divorce off the table.
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What if the leaning‑in partner feels desperate or powerless?
This is common. Discernment Counseling helps the leaning‑in partner step out of urgency and regain a sense of agency—regardless of the outcome.
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Can Discernment Counseling help us decide to divorce more peacefully?
Yes. Many couples use Discernment Counseling to separate with more understanding, less blame, and fewer reactive decisions.
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How many sessions does Discernment Counseling take?
Most couples complete the process in 1–5 sessions. You only commit to one session at a time, giving each of you space to feel certain about where you stand before deciding the next step.
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What if one partner doesn’t want to come?
That’s common. Discernment Counseling can often begin even when one partner is reluctant or unsure. If both partners can agree—without any pressure—to attend one session at a time, the process can still be effective without requiring a longer commitment upfront.
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What if there has been infidelity or betrayal?
Discernment Counseling can help determine whether repair is something both partners genuinely want—or whether separation is the clearer path.
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What happens after Discernment Counseling ends?
You will leave with a clearer sense of direction—whether that is couples therapy, separation or divorce, or a decision to pause and remain at the current status quo. If you choose Path 3 and I have availability, we can begin couples therapy together. If you prefer a warm handoff to a trusted colleague, I can absolutely facilitate that as well. I want you to find the support that works for you.