You’re holding what’s left and hoping it can become something whole again.
Does this sound like you?
Since discovering the infidelity, porn use, or sexual secrecy, your nervous system feels constantly on edge - your mind replaying details, searching for reassurance, and bracing for the next shock. You may feel flooded by anxiety, grief, anger, or numbness all at once.
You feel desperate to understand what really happened - yet every conversation seems to spiral into overwhelm, shutdown, defensiveness, or fighting. You don’t know how to ask for what you need without making things worse.
You want to repair the damage and show up differently, but guilt, fear, and shame about how this happened keeps you stuck. Talking about it often feels terrifying, and you may worry nothing you do will ever be enough.
You’re still choosing the relationship, yet the path forward feels unclear and fragile. You may wonder whether healing is even possible—or whether this rupture has permanently changed everything.
If these feel true for you, there is a clear, structured path forward. I specialize in helping couples recover from infidelity, porn addiction, and sexual secrecy using evidence-based Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy - so you’re not left guessing, minimizing, or doing more damage while trying to heal.
How Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Helps You Feel Confident in Your Relationship Again
Online Couples Therapy for Infidelity and Porn/Sex Addiction in Seattle, Washington
When You’re Both Spinning in Different Kinds of Pain
After infidelity or sexual secrecy, couples often feel like they’re living in two different emotional worlds. One partner is flooded with shock, grief, hypervigilance, and trauma symptoms. The other is carrying guilt, shame, fear of losing the relationship, and confusion about how things went so far off track. You both want to repair the relationship - but the way forward feels scary, uncertain, and emotionally risky. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) gives us a clear, structured roadmap so healing doesn’t depend on guesswork, avoidance,
or “hoping time will fix it.”
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Turning Toward Each Other Instead of Away
Infidelity, porn addiction, and sexual secrecy often develop when one or both partners begin coping outside the relationship instead of turning toward each other for comfort and support.
In sessions, I will help you:
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Slow reactive conversations so they don’t cause further harm
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Understand the emotional patterns that pulled you apart
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Learn how to reach for each other again in ways that feel safer and more genuine
This isn’t about blaming or excusing - it’s about changing the emotional cycle that made secrecy or disconnection possible (keeping in mind that the one who stepped out is 100% responsible for their behavior).
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Creating a Shared Timeline to Restore Safety
For the nervous system of the betrayed partner to begin calming,
clarity and trust in the truth are essential.
I will help you:
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Develop a clear, shared understanding of what happened
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Contain disclosure in a way that reduces retraumatization
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Address hypervigilance and PTSD-like symptoms that are normal and expected after betrayal
We engage in this process carefully - because your body won’t relax until it trusts there are no more hidden pieces.
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Repairing the Attachment Injury (AIRM)
Once safety begins to stabilize, I guide couples through Attachment Injury Repair, a core EFT process for healing betrayal.​
Here’s what that looks like:
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The partner who was hurt is supported in accessing and sharing the depth of their pain in a vulnerable, non-blaming way
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The partner who stepped away learns how to truly receive that pain - taking it in emotionally, not defensively
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Pain is reflected back so the injured partner finally feels felt, understood, and emotionally held
This moment is often where real healing begins.
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Taking Responsibility Without Shame or Collapse
I then help the partner who cheated or used porn or other coping strategies explore - and share - how they reached that point. Not with excuses. Not with self-hatred. But with responsibility, emotional honesty, and vulnerability.
Together, we make sense of:
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The emotional overwhelm, disconnection, or avoidance that led to turning away
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The unmet attachment needs beneath the behavior
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How to turn toward the relationship moving forward
This depth of work creates something powerful: confidence - that the relationship is no longer fragile or built on avoidant behaviors.
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A Relationship That Feels Stronger Than Before
Effective infidelity recovery goes beyond fixing what broke—it changes how you connect at the core. Couples leave with deeper emotional bonds and a new confidence that they can navigate difficult moments together in ways that protect the relationship from repeating the past.
Not Sure If Couples Therapy Is Right?
Consider Discernment Counseling
Sometimes one partner is leaning out while the other wants to save the relationship. Jumping straight into couples therapy can feel frustrating or even stall progress if both partners aren’t fully committed.
That’s where Discernment Counseling comes in.
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Discernment Counseling is a structured, time-limited process (1–5 sessions) designed to help couples gain clarity about their relationship. You’ll explore whether to maintain the status quo, move toward separation or divorce, or commit fully to repair with divorce off the table.
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Discernment Counseling helps each partner understand their doubts, fears, and hopes - and gives you the confidence to choose the right path before investing in long-term couples therapy.
Begin Your Repair With a Clear, Proven Process
Healing after infidelity or sexual secrecy requires more than good intentions - it requires a structured, proven process. I’ll guide you in slowing the damage, making amends that truly land, and clearing the unresolved pain keeping you apart.
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When the space between you softens, you’re able to see and reach for each other and feel renewed confidence in your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions: Therapy for Infidelity and Sex Addiction in Seattle, Washington
Can couples really recover from infidelity or sexual secrecy?
Yes. Research consistently shows that couples can heal from infidelity, porn addiction, and sexual secrecy - when the work is structured, emotionally focused, and trauma-informed. EFT is one of the most effective approaches for repairing trust and attachment injuries.
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Is porn addiction treated differently than infidelity in couples therapy?
Porn addiction and sexual secrecy are treated as attachment injuries, just like affairs. The behaviors may differ, but the impact on trust, safety, and emotional connection is the same. My job is to help you clear out the pain that has taken up space between you—the pain that keeps you from reaching for each other and responding in vulnerable, open ways. Any turning away from the relationship can create an injury; together we repair those wounds so connection can become possible again.
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How long does infidelity recovery therapy take?
Healing happens in phases. We begin by creating a shared timeline, which helps calm the negative cycle that keeps you from comforting and understanding each other. Then we move into the deeper end of the emotional swimming pool and bring to the surface the fears that led the person toward porn use or infidelity rather than turning toward their partner.
Some couples notice relief within weeks as conversations become safer and clearer. Deeper attachment repair typically unfolds over several months, depending on the complexity of the betrayal and your commitment to the process. Most couples therapy for infidelity takes at least a year to fully rebuild trust and secure connection.
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What if the betrayed partner has PTSD symptoms?
Intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, emotional flooding, and sleep disruption are normal trauma responses after betrayal. EFT works directly with the nervous system and the attachment bond to reduce these symptoms. In fact, healing these symptoms within the context of your relationship makes the work even more powerful. You are learning to process pain relationally, and while individual treatment for PTSD symptoms can be helpful, the only way to feel the safety your nervous system craves is through a real change in how you are together.
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What if the partner who cheated feels too ashamed to talk?
Shame is common - and it often blocks repair. I want to help you explore your shame, especially with your partner, so you can show up to conversations in a different way. Shame is an indicator that you are a good person who did a bad thing. Rather than avoiding the work that will kick shame to the curb, couples therapy helps you share the shame and the guilt - and become the person you want to be in your relationship.
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Is couples therapy only about saving the relationship?
Couples therapy is for two people who are both committed to rebuilding their connection. If one partner is unsure or leaning out, jumping straight into couples therapy can feel frustrating or even stall progress. In those cases, Discernment Counseling - a structured, time-limited process of 1–5 sessions - will help you gain clarity. Discernment Counseling helps you decide whether to maintain the relationship as it is, move toward separation or divorce, or commit fully to repair with divorce off the table. Once you’ve done that work, couples therapy becomes far more effective, because both partners show up ready to heal.
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Why choose an Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist for infidelity?
EFT is specifically designed to repair attachment injuries and restore emotional safety - making it uniquely effective for betrayal recovery. It's non-judgmental and balanced; finding the “bad guy” won’t help the two of you love each other again - it usually creates more defense and distance. I want to help you feel your partner’s heart again: the regret and shame, the pain and devastation, so you can be in the relationship you’ve always wanted. This is healing on a deep emotional level, which makes it lasting.
​Do I need to be in individual therapy before starting couples therapy for sex addiction or compulsive sexual behaviors?
Not necessarily. However, it’s often incredibly helpful when the partner who’s struggling with sexually compulsive behavior, sex addiction, or excessive porn use is already in individual therapy - or has recently completed it.
Why? Because this therapy space is centered on your relationship. It’s not a substitute for individual work. In couples therapy, we focus on rebuilding trust, improving communication, and helping both partners make sense of what happened. That work is often more effective when each person has the support they need - especially the partner doing deep work on behavior change.
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Can couples therapy really help with sex addiction or sexually problematic behaviors?
Yes - couples therapy can be a powerful part of healing from sex addiction, compulsive sexual behaviors, or other problematic sexual patterns. While individual therapy focuses on personal insight and behavior change, couples therapy focuses on the relationship impact: broken trust, emotional pain, fear, and the desire to reconnect. All addiction or out-of-control behavior work is strengthened by having a strong relationship to rely on when recovery gets tough. Couples therapy helps you rebuild your most important support system.
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Is watching too much porn the same as sex addiction/out-of-control sexual behavior?
Not always. Excessive pornography use can be one form of compulsive or problematic sexual behavior, but not everyone who uses porn heavily meets the criteria for what some call sex addiction or out-of-control sexual behavior. The key questions are: Is the behavior feeling out of control? Is it creating distress, secrecy, or harm in your relationship or life? Are you turning toward porn instead of turning toward your partner?
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Is therapy for sex addiction only for heterosexual couples or men?
Absolutely not. People of all genders and sexual orientations struggle with compulsive or problematic sexual behavior. I work with all couples - including queer, non-monogamous, and LGBTQIA+ partners - who are navigating these challenges together.
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I’m afraid I’ll be blamed or shamed in couples therapy. Will I?
No. That’s not how I work.
You’re not here to be shamed. You’re here because something important in your relationship is hurting - and because you care enough to face it.
In our work together, we make space for everyone’s pain—including yours. The goal isn’t to label you or pick apart your past. The goal is to understand what happened, why it happened, and what healing looks like for you and your partner.
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What if I don’t even know why I did what I did?
That’s more common than you think.
Many people who struggle with porn use, compulsive sexual behaviors, or secrecy in relationships don’t fully understand their own patterns yet. That’s okay. We work together to slow things down, bring compassion into the room, and begin to untangle what’s been driving the behavior - without shame. (And if shame shows up we'll explore and understand that too!)
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I’ve already stopped the behavior. Why do we need therapy now?
Stopping the behavior can be a powerful first step—but repair takes more than that. Unprocessed pain drives behavior, and if your relationship has never had a process to find new ways of reaching for each other, make sense of and honor the pain, and deliver an apology your partner can truly receive—it’s time to give yourself and your relationship that process.
Not all couples require 100% abstinence (depending on the behavior), but all couples need honesty and a real commitment to stopping relational injuries.
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What if I’m scared this will make things worse?
It’s okay to be scared. And it's okay to do this hard thing while also feeling scared.
Conversations like these are hard. But not having them often causes even more pain. Holding secrets invades the safety of relationships. Couples therapy gives you both a structured, supportive space to talk honestly and safely - with help.
You don’t have to know how to fix everything. You just have to be willing to show up.
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Welcome to Seattle, Washington
Seattle, Washington is a major Pacific Northwest city built on the shores of Elliott Bay and Puget Sound, surrounded by water, forests, and mountain views. It was first settled in 1851 and named after Chief Sealth of the Duwamish and Suquamish tribes. Over time, Seattle grew from a logging and shipping center into a thriving modern city known for its dynamic economy, rich culture, and natural beauty.
Today, Seattle is a hub for technology, international trade, aerospace, and innovation. It is home to major companies in software, e‑commerce, and biotech, and remains a center for commerce and exports on the West Coast.
The city’s climate is temperate, with mild, wet winters and cool, relatively dry summers. While Seattle is famous for its clouds and drizzle, the rainfall is often lighter than many people expect.
Seattle also boasts a rich cultural scene—from the iconic Space Needle and Pike Place Market to world‑class museums, theaters, and music venues—and offers residents and visitors abundant outdoor recreation opportunities in its many parks, waterfronts, and nearby mountains.
Why Seattle is a Great Place for Couples
Seattle’s mix of natural beauty, vibrant neighborhoods, and rich culture makes it ideal for couples. From waterfront walks at Alki Beach and sunsets at Kerry Park to cozy cafes, world-class dining, and serene parks, there’s always a spot to connect and explore together. The city also offers wellness retreats, couples’ activities, and plenty of opportunities to grow closer while enjoying the Pacific Northwest lifestyle.