You’re Relationship is Welcome Here
I work with couples whose conflicts have gotten intense—fights that leave you shaken, disconnected, or afraid. Maybe you’re fighting to feel close again. Or maybe you’re fighting to breathe, to find space and safety. Sometimes, you don’t even recognize yourselves in the heat of it.
I know that behind the intensity, there’s love. I know you’re trying—trying to connect, or trying to get some distance so you can reconnect. You’re doing what you can to manage pain, fear, or disconnection. And I also know you don’t feel good about the violence that’s happened between you.
You’re not alone. And you’re not beyond help.
I want you to know: your relationship is welcome here.
I don’t see the violence as a reflection of your heart. I believe you when you say there’s still love and goodness between you. I hold that belief with you, even when things feel stuck, uncertain, or out of control.
If you're both ready to face the patterns and do the work, there’s a way forward. And I’ll walk with you—step by step—as we create something new.
If your arguments heat up quickly, you need more than a generic therapist—you need someone trained to handle the messy. My entire practice is dedicated to couples, and it’s my passion to help you solve the disconnect.
If therapy has failed you in the past, it’s not because your relationship is beyond help—it’s because you didn’t have the right kind of support. High-conflict couples need more than just communication tips or a neutral referee. You need a therapist who understands the deeper emotional undercurrents beneath the fights, de-escalate tension in the moment, and guide you toward real, lasting change.
Here’s how I do things differently:
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A Structured, Proven Approach – I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which doesn’t just teach communication skills but helps you understand why you’re stuck in painful cycles and how to break free.
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I Don’t Just Watch You Fight – If past therapy turned into another battleground, I step in. I slow things down, help you hear what’s really being said, and make space for the emotions driving the conflict.
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You’ll Both Feel Seen & Heard – No taking sides, no reinforcing blame. My focus is on helping both of you understand your role in the cycle so real healing can happen.
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No Endless Sessions Without Progress – We work with a clear agenda and focus, whether in weekly therapy or intensive sessions. My goal is to help you see real movement—not keep you stuck rehashing the same fights.
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Commitment & Clarity – Whether you’re here to repair your bond or decide if this relationship can continue, I help you get clear on your path—without judgment, without pressure, just honest, structured guidance.
This Isn’t the End. It’s the Beginning of Doing Love Differently.
I see your attempts—the way you circle back, apologize, try to keep things calm or get your partner to hear you. And then it all falls apart again.
You’re not here because you don’t care.
You’re here because you care so much it hurts.
When you finally find the person who speaks to your soul, you’ll do almost anything not to lose them.
If you’ve reacted with rage, aggression, panic, desperation, or withdrawal—it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your connection matters that much. The pain of feeling shut out, criticized, or unwanted by the one person who knows you best can feel unbearable. And when that bond feels at risk, you may react in ways you never imagined.
Does that excuse aggression or violence?
No.
But it does mean there’s a deeper story here—and you are welcome in this space.
I work with couples who are overwhelmed by emotion, caught in destructive patterns, and still trying—fiercely—to hold on to each other.
You don’t need to be perfect to begin.
You just need to be willing to look at what’s happening beneath the conflict.
Frequently Asked Questions about High Conflict Couples Counseling
Do you work with couples who’ve experienced yelling, aggression, or even physical conflict?
Yes. I specialize in working with couples who feel overwhelmed by emotion and caught in destructive cycles—but still want to hold on to each other. Many of my clients are dealing with what’s called situational couple violence—where things have escalated during intense moments of disconnection, but there’s no ongoing pattern of control or fear. If you're both committed to safety and willing to slow things down, we can work together.
Is this abuse? Or just conflict gone too far?
Abuse is when one person holds the power—when one partner lives in fear, silences themselves, or walks on eggshells to avoid punishment.
High conflict is different. You’re both in pain. You both act out. You’re trying to stay connected, but the way you’re doing it is hurting you both.
What if I’m ashamed of how I’ve acted?
Shame is common. But it doesn’t mean you’re beyond repair. I work with people who have said or done things they never thought they would. Together, we’ll understand what drove those moments—and how to build something different.
What makes your approach different for high-conflict couples?
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based approach grounded in attachment theory. We don’t just talk about what happened—we get underneath the conflict. I help you both understand the raw spots, the panic, the triggers, and the desperate strategies that get you stuck. Instead of fighting against each other, we start fighting for the connection you're both trying to protect.
Will you judge us for what’s happened?
No. What I see—over and over—is that aggression often comes from a place of heartbreak and fear. That doesn’t make it acceptable. But it does mean there’s room for compassion, accountability, and healing. You’re not broken. You’re likely trying to protect the most important relationship in your life with the only tools you’ve had. I understand that because I'm human too.
Can couples therapy really help if we’ve already crossed a line?
If there’s no ongoing pattern of fear, coercion, or domination—and both partners are willing to show up, take responsibility, and commit to change—then yes, therapy can absolutely help. I've worked with couples who thought their relationship was unsalvageable, only to discover a path forward once they understood the deeper story beneath their reactions.
Can couples therapy help after domestic violence or abuse?
Sometimes, yes—but not always. The right kind of therapy matters. I don’t offer couples therapy when there’s ongoing coercion, stalking, or fear for safety. But many couples come to me after mutual escalation, where there’s been shouting, slamming doors, threats, or even physical aggression—and both partners are motivated to repair and grow. If you're both open to accountability and change, I offer a clear and structured path forward.
I hit my partner once. Does that mean I’m abusive?
Not necessarily. It does mean something important happened—and we need to talk about it. Many people feel shocked and ashamed after a moment of violence, especially if it came from fear, panic, or years of emotional pain. That moment doesn’t define you. But we do need to understand it, and couples therapy helps.
What if I’m afraid of how I’ll react next time we fight?
That fear is actually a sign of awareness—and it’s an important place to start. You may have learned to explode, shut down, or lash out when things get intense. In our work together, we’ll uncover what fuels that reaction, slow things down, and teach you different ways to reach for your partner.
High-Conflict Couples vs. Abuse
High-conflict couples experience frequent, intense disagreements but still have a foundation where both partners have a voice, even if communication is difficult. These relationships are often marked by cycles of arguing, defensiveness, violence, and emotional reactivity, but there is still a
mutual desire to repair.
If I sit with you in a room, I can feel the warmth between the two of you, the desire to repair. That is how I know it's not abuse.
Abuse, on the other hand, is ice cold. It involves a clear power imbalance where one partner exerts control through fear, intimidation, or harm—whether emotional, physical, financial, or psychological. In abusive relationships, traditional couples therapy is not appropriate. The key difference is that conflict, even when violent, can be worked through, while abuse requires intervention to ensure the victim’s well-being and safety.
If you are experiencing abuse, help is available. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org for confidential support.