Your Relationship is Welcome Here
You’re here because you’re not ready to give up.
The love and compassion are still there—but something keeps hijacking them. The anger rises, voices escalate, something breaks or gets thrown… and afterward, the shame hits hard. You both promise it won’t happen again. And then it does.
I know that behind the intensity, there’s love.
I know you’re trying—trying to reach for each other, or to pull back just far enough to feel safe again. You’re doing what you can to manage the pain inside.
And I also know you don’t feel good about the violence that’s happened between you.
You’re not alone. And you’re not beyond help.
Your relationship is welcome here.
I don’t see the violence as a reflection of your heart.
I believe you when you say there’s still love and goodness between you. I hold that belief—and that hope—with you, even when things feel uncertain, stuck, or out of control.
If you’re both ready to face the patterns and do the work, there’s a way forward.
And I’ll walk with you—step by step—as we build something new.
If every conversation turns into a storm, you don’t need communication strategies
or more "I" statements.
You need someone trained to help you slow it all down and get under and behind the defenses. To help you both uncover the love that’s fighting to survive.
How I Work with High-Conflict Couples
in Greenwich, Connecticut
You’ve read the books. You’ve done the date nights. Maybe you’ve even been to therapy before. But nothing has touched the core.In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we don’t just manage conflict—we map it.We slow down the fight enough to see what’s really happening underneath: the moment panic takes over, the split second someone turns away, the instant love turns into defense.I’m not here to hand out scripts or quick fixes.I help you find the pattern that keeps hijacking your connection—so you can stop fighting each other and start fighting for the relationship.This is the heart of high-conflict couples therapy:learning to recognize what’s happening in real time, to name the emotional alarms that set you off, and to reach for each other before the next explosion.We'll work together to build safety between you — so your connection can feel sturdier than it ever has before.
What You Can Expect in Sessions
When you work with me, you won’t be left to have the same fights you have at home.
I’ll step in. I’ll interrupt. I’ll slow things down and guide you to speak in ways that actually land. Not for show, but because the first step in healing your relationship is de-escalation.
Before we can rebuild connection, we have to calm the storm.
That means learning to recognize the cycle that keeps pulling you apart—the triggers, the tone shifts, the moments when one of you shuts down or lashes out. Once you start to see that pattern clearly, you can begin to do something different.
And when you’re both steady enough to stay on the same team, that’s when we move into the deeper work.
That’s where we explore why these triggers hit so hard—what it stirs up inside when your partner feels distant, when you fear their love might not be there.
This isn’t surface-level communication coaching.
It’s the process of becoming emotionally mature—learning to regulate your own reactivity, and to see your partner not as “too much” or “out of control,” but as a beautiful, complicated human doing their best to protect themselves from pain.
That’s where empathy begins.
And that empathy is the bonding force that lets your relationship finally feel safe and alive again.
Frequently Asked Questions about High Conflict Couples Counseling in Greenwich, CT
Do you work with couples who’ve experienced yelling, aggression, or even physical conflict?
Yes. I specialize in working with couples who feel overwhelmed by emotion and caught in destructive cycles—but still want to hold on to each other. Many of my clients are dealing with what’s called situational couple violence—where things have escalated during intense moments of disconnection, but there’s no ongoing pattern of control or fear. If you're both committed to safety and willing to slow things down, we can work together.
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Is this abuse? Or just conflict gone too far?
Abuse is when one person holds the power—when one partner lives in fear, silences themselves, or walks on eggshells to avoid punishment.
High conflict is different. You’re both in pain. You both act out. You’re trying to stay connected, but the way you’re doing it is hurting you both.
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What if I’m ashamed of how I’ve acted?
Shame is common. But it doesn’t mean you’re beyond repair. I work with people who have said or done things they never thought they would. Together, we’ll understand what drove those moments—and how to build something different.
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What makes your approach different for high-conflict couples?
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based approach grounded in attachment theory. We don’t just talk about what happened—we get underneath the conflict. I help you both understand the raw spots, the panic, the triggers, and the desperate strategies that get you stuck. Instead of fighting against each other, we start fighting for the connection you're both trying to protect.
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Will you judge us for what’s happened?
No. What I see—over and over—is that aggression often comes from a place of heartbreak and fear. That doesn’t make it acceptable. But it does mean there’s room for compassion, accountability, and healing. You’re not broken. You’re likely trying to protect the most important relationship in your life with the only tools you’ve had. I understand that because I'm human too.
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Can couples therapy really help if we’ve already crossed a line?
If there’s no ongoing pattern of fear, coercion, or domination—and both partners are willing to show up, take responsibility, and commit to change—then yes, therapy can absolutely help. I've worked with couples who thought their relationship was unsalvageable, only to discover a path forward once they understood the deeper story beneath their reactions.
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Can couples therapy help after domestic violence or abuse?
Sometimes, yes—but not always. The right kind of therapy matters. I don’t offer couples therapy when there’s ongoing coercion, stalking, or fear for safety. But many couples come to me after mutual escalation, where there’s been shouting, slamming doors, threats, or even physical aggression—and both partners are motivated to repair and grow. If you're both open to accountability and change, I offer a clear and structured path forward.
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I hit my partner once. Does that mean I’m abusive?
Not necessarily. It does mean something important happened—and we need to talk about it. Many people feel shocked and ashamed after a moment of violence, especially if it came from fear, panic, or years of emotional pain. That moment doesn’t define you. But we do need to understand it, and couples therapy helps.
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What if I’m afraid of how I’ll react next time we fight?
That fear is actually a sign of awareness—and it’s an important place to start. You may have learned to explode, shut down, or lash out when things get intense. In our work together, we’ll uncover what fuels that reaction, slow things down, and teach you different ways to reach for your partner. ​​​​
High-Conflict Couples vs. Abuse
High-conflict couples experience frequent, intense disagreements but still have a foundation where both partners have a voice, even if communication is difficult. These relationships are often marked by cycles of arguing, defensiveness, violence, and emotional reactivity, but there is still a
mutual desire to repair.
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If I sit with you in a room, I can feel the warmth between the two of you, the desire to repair. That is how I know it's not abuse.
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Abuse, on the other hand, is ice cold. It involves a clear power imbalance where one partner exerts control through fear, intimidation, or harm—whether emotional, physical, financial, or psychological. In abusive relationships, traditional couples therapy is not appropriate. The key difference is that conflict, even when aggressive, can be worked through, while abuse requires intervention to ensure one person's well-being and safety.
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If you are experiencing abuse, help is available. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org for confidential support.
Places for Couples to Eat in Greenwich, CT
Greenwich, CT, offers several fantastic dining options for couples looking to enjoy a romantic meal. For a cozy, intimate atmosphere, The Bruce Park Grill is a local favorite with its relaxed ambiance and delicious dishes. If you're craving fresh, creative cuisine, Polpo Restaurant provides a great mix of Mediterranean and Italian flavors. For a more upscale experience, head to Mickeys Restaurant, which offers a romantic setting and a menu full of modern American fare. Whether you’re celebrating or just enjoying a night out, Greenwich has something for every couple to enjoy.
