Therapy for High-Conflict Couples in Greenwich, Connecticut

Do you work with couples who’ve experienced yelling, aggression, or even physical conflict?

Yes. I specialize in working with couples who feel overwhelmed by emotion and caught in destructive cycles - but still want to hold on to each other. Many of my clients are dealing with what’s called situational couple violence - where things have escalated during intense moments of disconnection, but there’s no ongoing pattern of control or fear. If you're both committed to safety, are both willing to be vulnerable and change your behaviors, we can work together.

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Is this abuse? Or just conflict gone too far?
Abuse is when one person holds the power - when one partner lives in fear, silences themselves, or walks on eggshells to avoid punishment.
High conflict is different. You’re both in pain. You both act out. You’re trying to stay connected, but the way you’re doing it is hurting you both. With a willingness to face your behaviors and a good couples therapist - you can change.

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What if I’m ashamed of how I’ve acted?
Shame is common and it's a good (painful too) sign. It means you're a good person caught up in something that feels wrong. I work with people who have said or done things they never thought they would. Together, we’ll understand what drove those moments - and how to build something different.

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What makes your approach different for high-conflict couples?

I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based approach grounded in attachment theory. We don’t just talk about what happened - we get underneath the conflict. I help you both understand the raw spots, the panic, the triggers, and the desperate strategies that get you stuck. Instead of fighting against each other, we start fighting for the connection you're both trying to protect.

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Will you judge us for what’s happened?

No. What I see - over and over - is that aggression often comes from a place of heartbreak and fear. That doesn’t make it acceptable. But it does mean there’s room for compassion, accountability, and healing. You’re not broken. You’re likely trying to protect the most important relationship in your life with the only tools you’ve had. I understand that because I'm human too. 

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Can couples therapy really help if we’ve already crossed a line?

If there’s no ongoing pattern of fear, coercion, or domination - and both partners are willing to show up, take responsibility, and commit to change - then yes, therapy can absolutely help. I've worked with couples who thought their relationship was unsalvageable, only to discover a path forward once they understood the deeper story beneath their reactions.

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Can couples therapy help after domestic violence or abuse?

Sometimes, yes - but not always. The right kind of therapy matters. I don’t offer couples therapy when there’s ongoing coercion, stalking, or fear for safety. But many couples come to me after mutual escalation, where there’s been shouting, slamming doors, threats, or even physical aggression - and both partners are motivated to repair and grow. If you're both open to accountability and change, I offer a clear and structured path forward.

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I hit my partner once. Does that mean I’m abusive?

Not necessarily. It does mean something important happened - and we need to talk about it. Many people feel shocked and ashamed after a moment of violence, especially if it came from fear, panic, or years of emotional pain. That moment doesn’t define you. But we do need to understand it, and couples therapy helps.

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What if I’m afraid of how I’ll react next time we fight?

That fear is actually a sign of awareness - and it’s an important place to start. You may have learned to explode, shut down, or lash out when things get intense. In our work together, we’ll uncover what fuels that reaction, slow things down, and teach you different ways to reach for your partner. ​​​​

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Do we need to be on the brink of divorce for this to help?

If one of you is truly leaning out of the relationship, traditional couples therapy may not be the right place to start. In that case, Discernment Counseling can be a better fit.

Discernment Counseling is a structured, time-limited process (usually one to five sessions) designed to help couples gain clarity about the future of their relationship. The focus is not on fixing the relationship, but on helping each partner understand their own patterns, choices, and responsibility in the dynamic.

Through this process, you’ll explore three possible paths: continuing the relationship as it is, moving toward separation or divorce, or taking divorce off the table for now and entering couples therapy with a clear personal agenda for change.

Discernment Counseling helps couples slow things down, reduce confusion, and make a thoughtful, informed choice - rather than a reactive decision made in the middle of crisis.

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Will we be forced to rehash every past fight or hurt?
No. We don’t relive the past for the sake of reliving it. We focus on how past hurts show up in the present and how they affect your reactions now. We want to clear out the space between you, so you can find healing in the present.

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What if we love each other but don’t feel close anymore?
That’s often a sign that the connection has been buried under cycles of conflict and defense -  not that it’s gone. EFT helps couples access the bond underneath the fighting and rebuild emotional closeness in a way that feels real and lasting.

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What if we’re worried it’s already too late?
Feeling that fear doesn’t mean it’s true. Many couples start therapy believing they’re beyond help, only to discover that with the right structure and support, change is possible. Therapy doesn’t guarantee an outcome - but it does create the conditions for healing.