Therapy for High-Conflict Couples in Cambridge, Massachusetts

Many couples who come to see me aren’t struggling because they don’t care about each other. They’re struggling because every important conversation seems to go sideways. A small moment happens - a comment, a tone of voice, someone not responding the way you hoped - and suddenly everything escalates. What’s happening inside that moment is incredibly fast. You make meaning.

They don’t really care about me.
Nothing I do is ever enough for them.
Maybe we’re just never going to figure this out.

Once that meaning hits, emotions rise quickly. Fear, hurt, anger, frustration.

And when those feelings surge, we protect ourselves. Some people push harder. They argue their point, press for answers, or refuse to drop the issue.

Others pull back. They shut down, disengage, or retreat from the conversation entirely. Before long, the discussion isn’t about the original issue anymore.
You’re locked in a fight about how the fight is happening.

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What’s Under the Conflict

Those reactions - the pushing and the pulling back - are important attachment clues. But they’re only the surface. Underneath, there is usually something much more tender. Feeling alone in the relationship. Feeling misunderstood.
The quiet fear that maybe your partner doesn’t really see you anymore. Many people carry questions inside that never quite make it into the conversation:

Do I matter to you the way you matter to me?
Are we losing each other?
Are we ever going to feel close again?

When those worries stay buried, they often come out sideways - through criticism, frustration, or distance. This is where Emotionally Focused Therapy becomes incredibly helpful.

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Slowing the Moment Down

In our work together, we slow these moments down enough to understand what’s actually happening. We look at:

what set things off

what meaning each of you made in that instant

how you tried to protect yourself once the feelings hit

Most couples move through this process so quickly that they don’t even realize it’s happening. But once we begin to see the pattern clearly, the conflict starts to make more sense. Not because the arguments disappear overnight - but because the emotional logic underneath them becomes visible.

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Learning to Speak From the Real Place

My role is to help each of you access what’s happening inside and put language to it. That might mean naming the hurt behind the anger. Or the longing underneath the frustration. We work toward expressing those experiences in a way that your partner can actually take in. And when partners hear each other from that deeper place, something important often happens.

The instinct to defend softens. Curiosity begins to show up again. People start leaning toward each other instead of bracing for impact.

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Why EFT Changes the Feel of the Relationship

Emotionally Focused Therapy isn’t just about understanding your patterns.

It’s about creating new experiences together while you’re sitting in the room.

You begin to see each other differently. You start to recognize the vulnerability that was always there underneath the conflict. And once couples reconnect with that softer place in each other, the dynamic between them starts to shift. People become more open.More responsive. More willing to stay in the conversation instead of protecting themselves from it. That’s how high-conflict relationships begin to move toward something steadier - not because the problems disappear, but because the emotional connection between you becomes stronger again.