When You're Unsure—and Each of you Wants Something Different
Right now, you’re caught in a painful in-between.
One of you is ready to dive into couples therapy and rekindle your connection
One of you is unsure, leaning out, and wondering if the relationship can be saved. You might have already filed for divorce or feel that separation is the only way out.
You’re both hesitant to dive into couples therapy without knowing if it will actually help. Before investing time and energy, you want clarity—can this relationship truly heal, or is it time to let go?
You need a trained professional to help you sort it all out. Traditional couples therapy isn’t designed for this kind of uncertainty—but Discernment Counseling is.
Considering divorce or breaking-up, but unsure if it's the right move? Let’s navigate the uncertainty together and find the clarity you need for one of the biggest decisions of your life.
Discernment counseling is a limited, up-to-five-session process (ending when you've both come to a decision) that meets you where you're at and helps you move forward. You don’t want to muddle through months of couples therapy when one or both of you aren’t sure, but you also don’t want to break up and have regrets. It’s about finding the path that’s right for both of you, knowing you’ve put in the work so your decision is clear.
Discernment Counseling helps you find a greater understanding of what is happening and has happened in your relationship, your contributions to the patterns that have been unsatisfying, and a clear direction you would like your relationship to take.
Discernment Counseling is not Couples Therapy—it is a structured process to help you decide.
The goal is not to fix your marital issues but to determine if they can be resolved—no blame, no judgment, just clarity on what you decide.
In discernment counseling, the three possibilities that you might choose are:
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Do nothing/continue as you've been - you both decide to neither divorce or separate nor work on your partnership through couples therapy.
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Divorce or break up - You agree as a couple that divorce or breaking up is the most appropriate option and begin to move forward with clarity and confidence
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Commitment to healing the relationship for the next six months—both partners agree to take divorce or breakup off the table and fully dedicate themselves to six months of couples therapy (with me or another therapist). This means 100% total, unwavering commitment to your relationship and the work of repairing it. Therapy will follow a clear agenda, with specific goals for each partner’s personal growth.
Each partner commits to one session at a time. After each session, you both decide where you stand and whether you’d like to continue.
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is a Good Fit If…
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Either partner is unsure – When one partner is leaning out of the relationship while the other wants to stay, discernment counseling provides a structured space to explore options.
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Clarity before commitment – Instead of rushing into therapy or divorce, couples gain a deeper understanding of their issues and whether they can be resolved.
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No pressure to fix or end – The goal isn’t to solve marital problems but to determine if they can be solved.
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Guided by an expert – A trained discernment counselor helps you navigate the process with structure, not judgment.
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Time-limited approach – With a maximum of five sessions, it’s a focused way to make a thoughtful, informed decision.
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Personal and relational insight – Even if the couple ultimately separates, both partners gain a clearer understanding of their relationship patterns and how they arrived at this point.
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is Not a Good Fit If…
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One partner has already made a final decision to divorce – If a spouse is fully committed to leaving, discernment counseling isn’t necessary. Individual therapy for each partner is more appropriate.
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Coercion is involved – If one partner is pressuring the other to participate, the process won’t be effective.
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There is danger of domestic violence – Safety must come first, and discernment therapy is not appropriate in abusive relationships.
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Both partners are fully committed to working on the marriage – If both want to repair the relationship, traditional couples therapy is the better choice.
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One partner is unwilling to engage – If a spouse refuses to reflect or participate meaningfully, the process won’t be productive.
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The primary goal is to ‘fix’ the other person – Discernment therapy is about understanding the relationship, not placing blame or forcing change.
You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck in the In-Between
Not knowing is its own kind of pain. You're not ready to walk away—but you're also not sure how to stay. That kind of limbo can eat away at your peace, your sleep, your ability to show up in the rest of your life.
But you're here for a reason. Something doesn’t feel finished. Something in you wants clarity, honesty, a structured way to finally face this crossroads with courage.
Discernment Counseling is different. It’s not about convincing anyone to stay or go. It’s about slowing things down, asking the right questions, and creating a space where both of you can get clear on what’s next—with respect, with integrity, and without pressure.
Even if the outcome is hard, you’ll walk away knowing you’ve done the brave work of facing your relationship with open eyes. No more second-guessing. No more feeling like you’re stuck in emotional quicksand.
If you're longing for closure—or the first real sign of hope—Discernment Counseling can help.
Listen as Dr. Bill Doherty, founder of Discernment Counseling, explains the process and how it helps couples on the brink gain clarity and direction.
Frequently Asked Questions about Discernment Counseling
What is your fee for Discernment Counseling?
The initial session is a 2-hour deep dive and is $800. Follow-up sessions are 80 minutes and $600 each.
Will you bill my insurance?
I am not in-network with any insurance companies and do not bill insurance directly. However, I can provide you with a monthly statement called a superbill that you can submit to your insurance company for possible reimbursement.
The superbill will include the diagnosis code Z63.0 – Problems in Primary Relationship. Please note that most insurance plans do not reimburse for couples therapy or discernment counseling. It’s important to check with your insurance provider ahead of time to understand what they may cover.
What if one of us has already decided to leave?
If one partner has fully made up their mind to leave, discernment counseling may not be helpful. Instead, mediation or a therapist specializing in separation might be a better fit.
Should you do couples counseling if you're thinking of divorce?
If you're unsure about staying in your relationship, discernment counseling is a better option than traditional couples therapy. Unlike standard couples counseling, which focuses on improving the relationship, discernment counseling helps you decide whether to work on the relationship or move toward divorce. If one of you is leaning out, couples therapy won’t be effective. Discernment counseling provides a structured space to make a clear decision—either committing fully to couples therapy or choosing to separate.
Can discernment counseling help us stay together?
It’s not designed to fix relationship problems but rather to help couples determine if they are willing to work on the relationship. If both partners choose to commit to rebuilding, they can transition into couples therapy.
Is it discernment counseling judgmental?
No, discernment counseling is a non-judgmental process. The goal is to understand each person’s perspective and offer clarity, not push a specific outcome.
What if we decide to separate?
If separation is the decision, discernment counseling can help partners navigate the process with greater understanding and respect, reducing unnecessary conflict.
What if we still feel unsure after five sessions of discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling is designed to be a short-term process, with a five-session limit to create a balance between urgency and thoughtful reflection. About 12% of couples choose to maintain the status quo afterward, which is completely valid. If you're still uncertain, there’s no need to rush—taking more time to process is always an option.
Relaxing Retreats for Couples in Westport, CT
Westport, Connecticut, offers a variety of serene spots perfect for couples seeking relaxation and rejuvenation. For a luxurious spa experience, consider Dream Spa & Salon, which provides customized spa and salon services designed to rejuvenate the mind, body, and soul. Another excellent option is New Beauty & Wellness, a state-of-the-art medical spa offering a blend of holistic and cosmetic treatments. If you're interested in a couples massage, Arogya Spa offers tailored treatments in a tranquil setting. After a day of pampering, enjoy a romantic dinner at one of Westport's esteemed restaurants, such as The Cottage, known for its intimate ambiance and innovative cuisine. For a unique dining experience, OKO Westport offers a personalized "OKO-KASE" menu inspired by Japanese tradition. These establishments provide the perfect backdrop for couples to unwind and reconnect in Westport.