When You're Unsure - and Each of you Wants Something Different
Discernment Counseling in all of Massachusetts, Connecticut, Washington, and Florida.
Right now, you’re caught in a painful in-between.
One of you is ready to dive into couples therapy and rekindle your connection
One of you is unsure, leaning out, and wondering if the relationship can be saved. You might have already filed for divorce or feel that separation is the only way out.
You’re both hesitant to dive into couples therapy without knowing if it will actually help. Before investing time and energy, you want clarity -can this relationship truly heal, or is it time to let go?
You need specialized therapy with a highly trained professional at this most vulnerable time. Traditional couples therapy isn’t designed for this kind of decision process - but Discernment Counseling is.
Discernment Counseling is a time‑limited decision‑focused process designed for couples who are honestly asking: Do we stay? Do we separate? Do we commit to real change together? It’s usually 1–5 sessions (with complexity in the system it can stretch to 6 or 7 but never longer), and it’s not about fixing things right now - it’s about understanding what got you here, what each of you contributed, and what the next right step looks like for both of you.
In Discernment Counseling we slow down the most important question you’ve been avoiding: Which of the possible paths are you actually open to exploring?
Typically, couples walk away with clarity about one of three options:
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Remain as you are for now
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Move toward separation or divorce
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Take divorce off the table and enter a 6‑month, committed couples therapy process with a clear personal agenda for change.
This work isn’t about “fixing” your relationship. It’s about finding out how your relationship came to be here - what happened, how each of you contributed, and what it would really mean to divorce or to stay and do the work together. We explore and hopefully expand how much you actually understand of your partner’s experience, and how much energy you have for repair and reconnection.
All couples deserve a process for this most important decision - not just guessing or hoping a decision will come from above. Let me lead you in a proven way to decide with confidence how you feel, what you want, and what path you can move forward with.
Stop Guessing: Make the Hard Relationship Decision With Clarity
Online Discernment Counseling in Westport, Connecticut
Listen as Dr. Bill Doherty, founder of Discernment Counseling, explains the process and how it helps couples on the brink gain clarity and direction.
Is Discernment Counseling right for us?
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is a Good Fit If…
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Either partner is unsure – When one partner is leaning out of the relationship while the other wants to stay, discernment counseling provides a structured space to explore options.
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You're looking for clarity -- Instead of rushing into therapy or divorce, couples gain a deeper understanding of their issues and whether they can be resolved.
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You're hoping for no pressure to fix or end – The goal isn’t to solve marital problems but to determine if they can be solved.
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You want help from an experience therapist – I'm a Certified Discernment Counselor and couples work is all I do. I can help you navigate the process with skill.
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You want a time-limited approach – With a maximum of five sessions, it’s a focused way to make a thoughtful, informed decision. Not limbo forever.
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You would like to gain personal and relational insight – Even if you ultimately separate, you will both gain a clearer understanding of your personal relationship patterns which will benefit all your relationships.
Discernment Counseling for Couples Is Not a Good Fit If…
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One partner has already made a final decision to divorce – If a spouse is fully committed to leaving, discernment counseling isn’t necessary. Individual therapy for each partner is more appropriate.
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There is coercion – If one partner is pressuring the other to participate, the process won’t be effective.
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There is danger of domestic violence – Safety must come first, and discernment therapy is not appropriate in abusive relationships.
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Both partners are fully committed to working on the marriage – If both want to repair the relationship, traditional couples therapy is the better choice.
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One of you is unwilling to engage – If one of you refuses to reflect or participate meaningfully, the process won’t be productive.
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One of your primary goals is to ‘fix’ the other person – Discernment therapy is about understanding the relationship - how it got to where it is and your part in it, to enable each of you to discern what you feel and want. Not blame, clarity.
Frequently Asked Questions about Discernment Counseling
in Westport, Connecticut
What is your fee for Discernment Counseling?
The initial session is a 2-hour deep dive and is $900. Follow-up sessions are 80 minutes and $700 each.
Will you bill my insurance?
I am not in-network with any insurance companies and do not bill insurance directly. However, I can provide you with a monthly statement called a superbill that you can submit to your insurance company for possible reimbursement. I cannot provide a superbill for this service because insurance carriers do not reimburse for Discernment Counseling. I
What if one of us has already decided to leave?
If one partner has fully made up their mind to leave (without a shred of doubt), discernment counseling will not be helpful - discernment has already happened. Instead, mediation or a therapist specializing in separation might be a better fit.
Should you do couples counseling if you're thinking of divorce?
If you're unsure about staying in your relationship, discernment counseling is a better option than traditional couples therapy. Unlike standard couples counseling, which focuses on improving the relationship, discernment counseling helps you decide whether to work on the relationship or move toward divorce. If one of you is leaning out, couples therapy won’t be effective, you need two people committed to doing whatever takes to heal (including being vulnerable and open.) Discernment counseling provides a structured space to make a clear decision - either committing fully to couples therapy, staying as you are, or choosing to separate.
Can discernment counseling help us stay together?
It’s not designed to fix relationship problems but rather to help couples determine if they are willing to work on the relationship. If both partners choose to commit to rebuilding, they can transition into couples therapy.
Is it discernment counseling judgmental?
No, discernment counseling is a non-judgmental process. I've helped couples who've had multiple infidelities, separations, you name it. The goal is to understand each person’s perspective, help you consider all the choices, lead you to clarity, not push a specific outcome.
What if we decide to separate?
If separation is the decision, discernment counseling can help partners navigate the process with greater understanding and respect, reducing unnecessary conflict during the divorce process.
What if we still feel unsure after five sessions of discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling is designed to be a short-term process, with a five-session limit to create a balance between urgency and thoughtful reflection. If you're still uncertain, there’s no need to rush- that is why we have the "stay as you are" path. Taking more time to process is always an option. I will help you find the support you need.
Relaxing Retreats for Couples in Westport, CT
Westport, Connecticut, offers a variety of serene spots perfect for couples seeking relaxation and rejuvenation. For a luxurious spa experience, consider Dream Spa & Salon, which provides customized spa and salon services designed to rejuvenate the mind, body, and soul. Another excellent option is New Beauty & Wellness, a state-of-the-art medical spa offering a blend of holistic and cosmetic treatments. If you're interested in a couples massage, Arogya Spa offers tailored treatments in a tranquil setting. After a day of pampering, enjoy a romantic dinner at one of Westport's esteemed restaurants, such as The Cottage, known for its intimate ambiance and innovative cuisine. For a unique dining experience, OKO Westport offers a personalized "OKO-KASE" menu inspired by Japanese tradition. These establishments provide the perfect backdrop for couples to unwind and reconnect in Westport.